twiddle my thumbs

同花顺

2011-09-29T02:02:00.001+08:00

要是你心里真的没我
你不会剪去了长发
闪动如蝴蝶在双颊那是眼泪吗
转（歌词转自音魁网 www.inkui.com）
要是你心里真的有我
你不会嘴边无火花
静静观察人世浮华心已麻
网（歌词转自音魁网 www.inkui.com）
假如说钢铁磨成针只要愿意等
只要肯爱得深
是不是就有这可能
有可能打动这铁石心肠的人
ｉ（歌词转自音魁网 www.inkui.com）
可惜就算梦能成真有谁猜得准
能分到多少福份
生命的同花顺底牌没有你
我也认
　（歌词转自音魁网 www.inkui.com）
假如说温柔是谎话
你不会颠覆这想法
你撑着眼儿都不眨是眼泪吗
　（歌词转自音魁网 www.inkui.com）
假如你真的放得下
你怎会一言也不发
　漂泊天涯苦苦挣扎心已麻

說好的幸福呢

2011-09-17T19:04:00.003+08:00

你的绘画凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散乱了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
伴你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了

一开始的不快乐
你用卡片拭写着
有些爱只给到这真的懂了

怎麽了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一叙说着你在不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了

只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

x2

怎麽了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了

只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

逍遥

2011-08-26T01:35:00.007+08:00

爱情真懊恼。

怎么会爱上一个完全不认识我的人？

为何爱一个人，却要逼自己做不想做的事？

爱一个人，却不能在一起。

为了忘记，得让他认为我不爱他。

为了忘记，得让他看到他不喜欢的东西。

缘分的轮廓中，为什么会有那么多误会?

那灯火烂煽处，影子的梦游仿佛穿插在弥漫之中。

我走，不是因为不爱。

我走，是因为他永远看不到我真正的爱。

缘分，断了，不能白头到老，不能相守终身，

爱他，爱的过火了。

再也不会了。

这一刻，

我决定了。

三世轮回，我也不会记得他的存在。

三世轮回的爱，以不在。

来生来世，

永不结缘，

回忆流去，

思念不留，

我们三生三世，修不得同船度，百世轮回，修不得共枕眠。

空了。

他，以不存在。

他，以消失了。

他，在也不重要了。

我心中的位子，把他放掉了。

我不记得了。

消灭了。

我走了。

空空荡荡地，让我逍遥得接受另一个人的爱了。

A City

2011-05-23T01:17:00.003+08:00

It was a rainy midday noon,

No blue in sight, no quietly morose passerby,

The sky was a brilliant gray,

Mixed up in sandy grains of yesternight,

Coming down in deep, transparent pellets;

Pelting the pavements, dying in the millions,

Each a scream that no one heard,

Or perhaps you did, but seriously, who cared?

The cars did what they did,

Twisting this way and that, forever heading somewhere,

Though you wondered, where are they all going?

Though perhaps you could imagine,

That the World, the City, the Streets were empty,

Then perhaps, who knows, it wouldn't feel so lonely.

The rainy midnight hour,

No moon in sight, no insomniac or sleepwalker,

All hid from the burning of a million questions,

As the rain came slanting down across the streetlamps,

Blurring orange pools of lights,

Making wet a City that knew no contours,

Of the shape of a heart that was invisible,

Is invisible,

Is indivisible,

For the circumference of the City is known by your hands,

Dressing a multitude of colours that passed into the night,

That night,

As the words dropped away from the sky,

Melting across pavements,

As they made their way back into heaven.

Meaningless

2011-05-18T01:12:00.003+08:00

give me colours,

give me sand,

give me breath,

and watch me dance:

atop a spiral,

beneath the waves,

within a bubble,

in outer-space:

beyond the moon,

beyond the sun,

beyond the quiet,

and when it's done:

I'll paint in shades;

of Sandcastles make,

a beating heart,

a meaningless date.

Deconstruction of My Constellations

2011-05-03T01:22:00.003+08:00

He said,

Make peace,

With what? I retorted -

Perhaps, of

Brilliant Starshine, furthermost Constella:

Oh give it peace! For

Orion flirts with Andromeda

with passing nights and dying days,

the Vulpecula will have its ways,

Surely!

under diamond skies,

He said,

Don't cry,

For what? I answered -

Mayhaps, for

Easing Memories, innermost Constella:

Do not give it tears! If

Sorrow dances with Melancholia

with passing nights and dying days,

then Acceptance shall have its say,

Undoubtedly,

under diamond skies.

Reconfiguration

2011-05-03T00:45:00.002+08:00

The SleepWalker

Under the mundane, rain-heavy sky - a wiry, half-lost whisper broke the masonry of silence, a wind-tossed susurration that echoed, against the nothingness, emptiness of this cityscape. Echoes: ill-defined, yet oddly melodious. This is a place of forgiveness, this is a place of vindication; an ambulatory figure cut a silhouette of pitch black, blackness, meandering with a gait that commanded a brilliant dose of hilarity, humorously ambivalent.

Such a theoretical figure, should we concur; like a hypothesis, if we infer - most likely, be without, significance, concluding in sentences unregulated by structures of decorum that insults your senses with passages of unrelenting vigor. He walks, dream-like, sleep-awake, a night-cold somnambulist, sleepingwalkingdreamingtalking, missinghatinglovingcrying; populates, a universe of immutable sorrow, swallowed by the mercy of a little-death, dead to the world in a realm of sand and rivers, for that eight hours.

The heart is mostly given to ghostly occupants but he keeps his own suite, and a drawing room. Thick curtains, brilliant noir, a shuttered existence. No light touches the table, unilluminating the table. A wispy dance of dust, a deadening silence, like dead, lovers.

on the Merlin Principle

2010-08-20T00:48:00.003+08:00

Exorcising my thoughts,

So much had transpired that I do not know where to begin. Should I begin from the past: an unfurling of lazy memories nitpicked from the shores of my mind? Should I begin from the future: a rewinding of Time, as if all that could be, has been; or from this Presentness, an entropy of consciousness that permeates all your livings and your dyings.

I see the elegance of the work of transformation, and I see in it the calling of a Project that aligns itself to the conversation of humanity. I see the clear blue sky, adorned with infinitesimal antiquity, its nature unchangingly, as such, blotted by the passing of rainy dreams.

And I speculate: What kind of conversations would humanity have, should Suchness come to pass into our collective Being.

We grumble, gossip, gripe and groan against the weight of a livingness that extends beyond our interpretations of our experiences. We generate suffering that seeks to infect others by demanding the consensus of total Agreement. Some seek to spread lies and stories, some seekto sow suffering and pain, some for the right to make others wrong, whilst some to erect a canopy of illusionary worship over the free minds of Man.

Having distinguished the suchness of Language, I see that I am not beyond or below, neither with nor without, the experience of my Being. My freedom is in my experience, is in my choice, is in my flow and ebb and pointed dancing toes.

I create you in my creating, and I am created in your creating. The Universe stretches to the boundaries of my experience. A playground of an Infinite Universe, and all of space and time is Centered.

Puppy Mill

2010-04-25T12:31:00.020+08:00

The Truth About Puppies:

When you purchase your cute, adorable, fluffy little puppy from the sterile, and sparkly clean front-desk of a pet store, this is what goes on behind in producing those puppies (these are images of breeding dogs kept in a puppy mill):

Note: All images remain the copyright of their owners and the Dog Mill Rehomers project. Unauthorized usage of these images will be pursued through legal channels.

These images are taken courtesy of our friend, Davis.

Permission has been obtained to use these images in this blog.

Three beautiful babies, yearning for attention.

Overused, underloved.

Yearning to get out..the world outside the cages is alien..

Before we came, this cage was their universe.

Imagine, if someone treated *YOU* like this..

Imagine: the suffering, the pain, the hopeless loneliness..

His imploring eyes say, "Food?"

Sad, lost eyes..

Yearning for company in his cold, lonely cell

Will I ever be loved?

A life of misery...suffering...endlessly...a life now controlled by fear

A life of suffering. No one loved her, or cared about her pain until we found her..

Sad, lost eyes : A tortured life spent in service to greed and avarice.

A world of dark, dank, hopelessness.

Elongated nipples from over-feeding without respite

Plagued by a battery of maladies, our volunteers work hard to bring comfort to them.

Nowhere to go, this was their living and their dying place

Their innocence betrays the immeasurable sadness of their stories.

A life of captivity..

Ticks and hunger were their constant companions..

Females start breeding at the tender age of 6 months or less.

The lack of care and concern is appalling.

Sleeping it off..

Pain and suffering...and they don't even know why.

Squalor

Emptiness

Resignation is her reality.

Filled with questions and wonderment: this baby follows our every move.

A once-beautiful dog, reduced to a shadow of it's former self

"Why are you doing this to us?"

So please, adopt your dog. Break the chain of supply and demand and alleviate some suffering from this world. Educate your friends. Be part of something bigger.

Love,

Jun

Doggies need help!

2010-04-25T12:18:00.004+08:00

The truth about Puppy Mills:

Please visit :

The Dog Mill Rehomers to find out how you can contribute!

Thank you!

Out of the Ashes

2009-10-14T20:08:00.006+08:00

the entry about Reality.

What I Got.

Creation is Form and Relations. The vastness of the Universe - stretching beyond the edges of the known and seen, returns to the oneness that spawned our mortal and spiritual coils. The circumference of time knows no direction; bounding this eternal moment in a self-referential frame of timelessness. The relative passage of this Time entity dulls the majesty of Being, in response, the Observers (that would be us) concoct of stories: magnificent and belligerent, noble and delinquent; stitching together a reality built upon the cornerstone of superstitions and arbitration.

The tests of Reality fails. All senses lie. All reckoning fails at some point in time. Nothing is ultimately accurate when juxtaposed against the unknowable true physicality of the Physical World beyond our Self - past the boundaries of our Body.

A reality wrought of Agreements; a canvas of yes and nos, dos and do nots, right and wrong. Reality itself, remains untouched by observed agreements. True Physicality remains unchanged, yet context reshapes the Universe into brimestones and cherubs, domestic and foreign, us and them - eternally shifting : mercury-like.

The Agreement of Physicality creates Measure and Form. The colour of plants is agreed upon to be called Green. The greenish object is agreed upon to be called, a Plant. The person observing the green plant is agreed upon to be called a Biologist. The Biologist is agreed upon to be considered to be part of a race called the Homosapiens. Yellow is agreed upon to mean characteristics of its designation. A centimetre is demarcated by the agreement of metrics. Form and substance revolves tirelessly around the agreement of Relativity and is given measure, distance, physicality and identity by the agreement of Objectivity.

The Agreement of Law creates Order. A green light is agreed upon to mean move, a red light is agreed upon to mean stop. A white line on the black tarred road is agreed upon to mean : stay within this demarcation. A large moving object with four wheels and many seats (called the bus by many) is agreed upon to stop at its designated stop. A citizen is agreed upon by Law to not spit or urinate in public. A marriage is agreed upon to mean the merging of two distinctly separate persons.

The Agreement of Beliefs creates Religions of organised behavior.

The Agreement of Self creates Identity.

The Agreement of Physics gave birth to the Universe.

Consider then, that Language thusly is a function and causative element of our Fabric of Reality. Through Language, we are able to formulate Agreements, shaping our fundamental reality as we drape our understanding of it over True Reality. The context of a culture with no word for a coke bottle differs from a culture that produces it - the quicksilver-esque Fabric of Reality contours to fit the mind that perceives it. True Reality, however, remains unchanged. It is our Agreements that changes the preferred assumptions of our Reality.

What then, is Reality?

Heart Sutra

2009-08-18T01:14:00.004+08:00

I recite this to focus my mind, and dispel mindlessness. For you.

觀自在菩薩。行深般若波羅蜜多時。照見五蘊皆空。度一切苦厄。

舍利子，色不異空。空不異色。色即是空。空即是色。

受、想、行、識，亦復如是。

舍利子，是諸法空相。不生，不滅。不垢，不淨，不增，不減。

是故空中。無色。無受、想、行、識。

無眼、耳、鼻、舌、身、意。

無色、聲、香、味、觸、法。

無眼界。乃至無意識界。

無無明。亦無無明盡。

乃至無老死。亦無老死盡。

無苦、集、滅、道。無智，亦無得。

以無所得故。菩提薩埵。依般若波羅蜜多故。

心無罣礙。無罣礙故。無有恐怖。

遠離顛倒夢想。究竟涅槃。三世諸佛。

依般若波羅蜜多故。得阿耨多羅三藐三菩提。

故知般若波羅蜜多。是大神咒。是大明咒是無上咒。是無等等咒。能除一切苦。真實不虛故。

說般若波羅蜜多咒即說咒曰：

揭帝，揭帝，般羅揭帝，般羅僧揭帝，菩提僧莎訶。

Translation:

When Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara was practicing the profound Perfection of the Wisdom (prajna paramita), he illuminated the Five Appearances (skandha) and saw that they are all empty (shunya), and he crossed beyond all suffering and difficulty.
Shariputra, form does not differ from emptiness; emptiness does not differ from form. Form itself is emptiness; emptiness itself is form. So too are feeling, cognition, formation, and consciousness.

Shariputra, all teachings (dharma) are empty of characteristics. They are not produced, not destroyed, not defiled, not pure; and they neither increase nor diminish. Therefore, in emptiness there is no form, feeling, cognition, formation, or consciousness; no eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, or mind; no sights, sounds, smells, tastes, objects of touch, or dharmas; no field of the eyes up to and including no field of mind consciousness; and no ignorance or ending of ignorance, up to and including no old age and death or ending of old age and death. There is no suffering, no accumulating, no extinction, and no Way, and no understanding and no attaining.

Because nothing is attained, the Bodhisattva through reliance on prajna paramita is unimpeded in his mind. Because there is no impediment, he is not afraid, and he leaves distorted dream-thinking far behind. Ultimately Nirvana! All Buddhas of the three periods of time attain anuttara-samyak-sambodhi through reliance on prajna paramita. Therefore know that prajna paramita is a Great Spiritual Mantra, a Great Bright Mantra, a Supreme Mantra, an Unequalled Mantra. It can remove all suffering; it is genuine and not false. That is why the Mantra of Prajna Paramita was spoken. Recite it like this: Gaté Gaté Paragaté Parasamgaté. Bodhi Svaha!

Fuck You! Love, Us

2009-06-22T20:39:00.003+08:00

Lily Allen made a song : and it has become the anthem for Anti-Homophobia across the world. Cool shit.

Take a gander - a message from across the world :

Fuck You, Fuck You Very Very Much!

2009-06-21T19:41:00.007+08:00

I love the lyrics. Very liberating to sing along. Fuck all you fundies and bashers! =D

Look inside,
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired,
so sick and tired of all the
hatred you harbor

So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who
can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you (Fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you (Fuck You)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get,
Do you get a little kick out of
being small-minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval your after
Well that's not how you find it

Do you,
Do you really enjoy living a
life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where
your soul should be
Your losing control of it and
it's really distasteful

Fuck you (Fuck You)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you (Fuck You)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't
translate and it's getting
quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you,
Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you,
Fuck yooooou

You say
You think we need to go to war
well you're already in one
Cause it's people like you
who need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you (Fuck You)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you (Fuck You)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't
translate and it's getting
quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, Fuck you
Fuck you, Fuck you
Fuck you, Fuck you

smoke and dreams

2009-06-21T08:31:00.008+08:00

Smoke and Dreams

William's birthday party forced an obligatory visit to the clubs on me: something which I had feared and avoided doing for years (I have residual gay Demophobia from my youth - where large crowds of gay people scare me), but ended up helpless to deny. The thorough inebriation of the self, made crystalline by such tinkering of the senses: bottles of champagne; imagine! An inept drinker; I lost my senses after but several cups ("you won't get drunk on champagne" - so I was told); rendering myself unable to perceive, nor comprehend the images and sounds around me.

I lost my digital camera, somewhere, sometime in that haze of night. I suppose I should be grieving, and yet here I am stubbornly believing that it will find its way back to me. There are certain people that I had wanted to meet, anticipatory, for the first time; yet the only memory that persists is of white beds and soft pillows.

I hope I didn't do anything silly last night.

I could really use some work on my alcohol tolerance level too.

Day 3 of the rest of my Life =]

2009-06-08T18:35:00.008+08:00

Day 3

The first day of going vegetarian was benign enough.

Day two, however, was a challenge. From the moment of waking, I pondered - deeply, no less - the options available for breakfast. Drawing an utter blank, I dragged myself to the nearest convenience store and purchased several boxes of cereal (I finished one box in one sitting) and bread. Barely an hour later, I was hungry and had to drag myself to a mixed-vegetable-rice stall for sustenance.

As evening approached, I was tempted to have some vegetarian pasta home-delivered from pastamania, but my wise ol' brother suggested that it was unsustainable, and that if I were to persist down this path then I must seek a proper methodology (of finding vegan food). And so, I travelled a good 10minutes to find the NEAREST true vegetarian stall, but as luck would have it, it turned out that that particular Sunday was the 15th of the Lunar month. (Meaning that all lay-Buddhists will go vegan for the day)

After waiting for a good 45 minutes and almost fainting from hunger, I decided to F-it and reneged on my order and just got some vegetables and tofu from the local mixed-stuff rice.

30 minutes later, I met Serena and friends at market 85 for a small gathering...and all I could have were dumplings. Everyone asked why I was doing this. I had no good answer that would not make me sound silly. On retrospect, it does sound alittle silly; but I don't think I will give up just yet.

The entire day 2 was a disaster, jammed-packed with eclectic dietary choices that had no basis in nutritional science. I basically whacked and laid my hands on anything that wasn't meat (as I had no idea where or when my next food source is gonna come from).

I ate a freaking cheesecake at 11pm!! I would never, ever had done that pre-vegan!

And day 3 cometh, I feel lethargic and atad sickish. I do not know if this is because of my sudden no-meat crash diet or that perhaps I caught a bug - but I do feel truly under the weather right now.

Sigh.

Be The Change You Want To See In The World!

2009-06-06T19:08:00.004+08:00

Be the change you want to see in the world!

Having been told that (as per subject), I have decided, unequivocally, to become an lacto-ova vegetarian. Meaning that I basically do not eat any meat produce except dairy products and eggs. Being a vociferous carnivore, this is quite a big change in lifestyle for me but I guess it can't be helped. Humanity's Meat Machine churns out more pollution and takes up more energy to produce than I can stand. I believe in the power of collective ripples; perhaps one day, I can convince more friends to join me.

I still need dairy products and eggs to maintain certain substances required for my gymming, and hopefully someday I can turn full vegen..(If I survive this).

I hope I do not crumble. Wish me luck.

of Appreciation

2009-06-04T15:59:00.004+08:00

The artful parabola, skims through the air in a pleasing geometry.

A billion-bit of information traverses our neural-synapse links, transposed into a singular tapestry. We do not see the world in numbers, although mathematics govern with an iron-fist the foundations of our universe, our reality. We do not see, hear, touch, taste, smell in the realms of analytical degrees, but where we fail to see the cosmic spreadsheets dictating every law of physics, we make up for, with the ability to discern the sum of it's parts.

I stood, watching the winds sway the trees; languid clouds flowed along the vast channel of pale blue sky, and a single bird danced in the uplifting breeze.

And I believe, that what makes us human, so delicately human: is the appreciation of the beautiful things, wondrously big and infinitesimally small; and the delightful inner joy that comes with sharing it.

天天天天

2009-06-03T12:12:00.002+08:00

夜夜夜夜

有很多事情不明白。

轻盈落雨般的忧蓝天色，细细地的搀杂着日出的无奈。

若我所惦记的星空以绝，淡淡地把昨夜的梦境化成无。

让心境沉淀一些，收敛一些，可能城市那片灯火斓珊，

也不再空洞无物。

of a Metaphysical Rut

2009-06-03T01:04:00.005+08:00

of strangulating dreamholds and vanishing stars

This is an entry on mine auto-exorcism.

To pace my words in this fashion, unabated; touching wild dreams in the daylight of living -

I pass beyond sentences, unceremoniously forged on the tip of my tongue.

No relics of wisdom, no pearls of incandescent fluidity remain; a quiescent falls upon the cityscape..

Dividing a single Gate -

Sundering effortlessly, the manifold estates

of my mind,

I walk, somnambulistic, ambulatory -

a softly tiptoeing nothingness,

the starlights, congratulatory ;

tipping their tophats as cosmic laws sit unburdened on the throne of gods

but where do starlights go?

to where dreams fall that no man knows.

I am emptied for now.

STTA

2009-05-14T12:27:00.009+08:00

Remove LBW as STTA President!

Please sign the online petition here:

http://www.petitiononline.com/lbh/petition-sign.html?

Ever since the Olympics medal media debacle, I've harbored a simmering discontentment towards the incompetent Lee Bee Wah and her disingenuous public statements. That night, as I watched the interview of her on TV, explaining why coach Liu Guo Dong was not nominated Coach of the Year (resulting in a vacancy for the award this year) by the STTA, I cannot help but feel this pulsating wave of pettiness. Singaporeans are not that dumb to be hoodwinked by your bad PR, Miss LBW: We can read between the insinuation and the lines.

Sony Walkman project

2009-05-05T00:05:00.005+08:00

Sony Walkman Project

I almost forgot to share this.

Utterly spellbinding.

What I would give to be involved in a project of such brilliant audacity! A single note for everyone! Threaded together into an orchestration that requires nothing else, other than your love for the moment and the joy of participation!

It is not over yet.

2009-05-04T20:00:00.007+08:00

It is Not Over Yet

On the context of the AWARE issue:

Excerpt taken from Yawningbread(my favourite site! go read!)

John Dorhauer on the steeplejacking of AWARE

I was pleased to be able to get into contact with Rev. Dr. John C Dorhauer very recently and he has voiced his opinion on the AWARE saga and his eagerness to contact and work with the Old Guard directly. The following indented paragraphs are quotes from Dorhauer (reproduced with his permission), interspersed with my own comments from the perspective of an overseas Christian Singaporean who has seen similar takeover attempts in Australia.

Dorhauer is a Conference Minister for the Southwest Conference of the United Church of God. He has co-authored the book ‘Steeplejacking’ which details the war between mainstream religion and right-wing fundamentalists, who use controversial issues such as homosexuality to cause dissent among Christian; with the ultimate aim of taking over churches and secular organizations. He has great expertise in recognizing the signs of such an invasion and recommends methods to successfully counter it. There is an in-depth essay on the takeover of AWARE in this context at here (spenz: Please read). Being overseas, I regretfully cannot attend the May 2 EGM. Instead I have written this essay in support of the Old Guard and would like to present Dorhauer’s and my own knowledge on this matter.

Dorhauer: There is no doubt that AWARE has been targeted by an orchestrated attack. Please know that all of you are in my prayers - that is the first thing I want you to know. I want to be of help, and wish we had more time to go through some important details, and a better means of carrying on this conversation. What is clear is that the takeover group came in with a great deal of stealth, fully aware of their tactics and agendas and without anyone in the AWARE organization knowing what was coming.

In Australia, my partner is a committee member of a church that was one of many that received mass-mailed letters from Family First, a political party that purports to place family values above all else. The letter sought to provoke the church’s leaders over the so-called ‘homosexual agenda’ that sought to silence their right to preach against homosexuality so that gays would be normalized as part of mainstream society. As people here are generally more accepting, they have had to resort to more alarmist methods. Ms. Josie Lau and her cronies have also distorted facts and used the old AWARE’s supposed promotion of homosexuality to stir up support for themselves. Sounds terribly familiar, doesn’t it? At least they haven’t set up a political party yet.

One of the things that I have learned as a basic principle is that when others use strategies that rely on secrecy and stealth, the smartest thing you can do is broadcast openly and publicly what you learn about them, naming the bullies in a very public way, spelling out as clearly as you can and as publicly as you can the tactics that are discovered.

The media, the old Guard and its supporters have definitely exposed the new exco’s dirty tactics. There are plenty of articles detailing them in full and I do not need to reiterate them again here. This has helped raise supporters for their cause. The leaders in my partner’s church acknowledged that people had differing views on homosexuality, but were quick to announce the paranoia and exaggerations in the content of the letter to the congregation. I would encourage church leaders and supporters of the Old Guard in Singapore to continue to clarify the myths and distortions that are the allegations of the new exco, regardless of the outcome of the EGM.

…if someone from aware could take the floor tomorrow and say something like this: "We have been duped. A group hostile to the core values of AWARE has taken over our organization. Because of their dishonesty, covert tactics, and unChristian behaviors, we were taken off guard. It won't happen again. We will do what we can to discover who is funding their operation, who is teaching them to behave this way, and to build our own strategies to once again take charge of this organization which we built and for which we care very deeply. We are growing aware of how this same tactic is being used by others around the globe. Our mission is too important to leave in the hands of those who are this destructive and who behave in this way. But we are not shy, and we will not lay down just because of what they have done here. I call on all who are committed to the ongoing mission of our organization to join me in this struggle."

We know that Ms. Josie Lau is a vocal supporter of Focus on the Family, a right-wing evangelical organisation based in the US, but registered as a secular one in Singapore. In the US, FOTF supposedly promotes American family values…in Singapore, its website claims to support Asian family values. Yet the conservative anti-gay, anti-feminist stance adopted by both are essentially the same. James Dobson, founder of FOTF in the United States, preaches a doctrine of intolerance towards homosexuality, that women should be submissive, and of harsh parenting techniques, in the name of Christian faith. Due to its claims of being secular, FOTF here has managed to gain itself enough respect in the form of air-time on the radio and a regular column in the Today newspaper, while Lau has managed to run a charity drive benefitting FOTF through DBS. To blend into Singapore society, FOTF gave itself a veneer of secularity that was acceptable in our multi-religious society.

The invasion of Christian fundamentalism in secular Singapore did not start with AWARE, nor will it end with it. Focus on the Family started its work years ago, and organisations such as Action for Aids and other groups that might even remotely deal with homosexual issues had better be alert and brace themselves. Dorhauer and I have seen these continuous attempts at invasion occur overseas, and I doubt that the new exco will stop at taking over AWARE.

Those who have joined AWARE in order to vote against the new exco in the EGM will need to remain alert even if they succeed in ousting them. I predict that the EGM will not be a final showdown, but the start of many such battles to come against infiltration by Christian fundamentalists in the future. I hope we all have the stamina to stand our ground.

I read in the article that the newcomers said it was not important to share their views on homosexuality. That is a clear warning, and a very good way to overcome that is to ask as many questions as you can of newcomers. The organization should be very clear about its own core values, and articulate those to every new member. If they cannot accept the core values, or if they equivocate about them, then they should be approached with caution and suspicion….
What would be more important at this point is having conversation about what strategies can be developed both to take back ownership and leadership of the organization, and to equip leaders to detect the warning signs of potential interlopers…
… it looks as if the leaders of AWARE are on top of this, but it also looks like they may be up against a pretty ominous foe.

Australia and the US have become wise to these stealth tactics, but this is still new for Singapore. Let us continually seek to update ourselves and remain ahead of further underhanded takeover attempts in the future.

They never succeeded in taking over my partner’s church in the end.

The Amazing Thio Su Mien

2009-05-04T19:39:00.010+08:00

The Amazing Thio Su Mien

The brilliant transcript of the "feminist mentor's" desperate attempt to repair her shredded reputation after bragging of instigating the take-over.

Thanks to Wayang Party for the transcript.

Thio Su Mien: "Some of us live till 73 to celebrate feminism. We don’t go around shouting and shrieking. I believe I am a ‘feminist mentor’…QUIET please, because you have put me in your book. All of you have been asked to read about women who are first in their fields and I was so charmed to discover that I was in book on page 73. I was the first batch of law graduates and…SHOW SOME RESPECT TO YOUR ELDERS…."

[Somebody from the crowd shouted "You have to earn the RESPECT!"]

Lois Ng: "Ladies and gentlemen, please sit down, I have already mentioned to you about the house rules. We do not interrupt when somebody is speaking. There are many people here who wanted to speak."

[The noise from the crowd continues to drown Thio Su Mien's speech]

Thio Su Mien: "I was very charmed when I discovered I was in this book. Please show humility. I acted a point that I stand to stay something because it’s my desire, because you are women who are descendants of the pioneers of Singapore….I am disturbed, I was the first Law Dean, I was also the first to establish……YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOUR ELDERS"

Addendum:

After watching this, I actually felt immense pity for the poor lady. She has descended to a level comparable to a mental condition, and her disingenuous attempts at preaching humility whilst constantly bragging about her limited accreditation in the field, is reminiscent of the discordant mental process that had been plaguing her since her Coming-Out-Party during the April 23rd News Conference.

Email by Josie Lau's husband

2009-05-04T18:59:00.006+08:00

Email By Josie Lau's Husband

From The Informant Network Team:

The below email was written by Josie Lau’s husband, Dr Alan Chin and was forward to quite a number of people in which Dr Chin made a few serious allegations about MOE, namely that MOE has been teaching and promoting homosexuality to JC students.

Without providing any concrete proof to substantiate his claims except for some anecdotal examples, Dr Chin used it as a basis to rally his friends to support the new exco.

As Dr Chin’s email has been circulated around for the past few days and it is not known how many Singaporeans have read it, it is imperative that MOE step forward to clarify matters.

Are there any truth in the allegations contained in Dr Chin’s email?

MOE should conduct a thorough investigation into the matter and give a proper account to the public to stop such allegations from damaging its reputation once and for all.

———-Forwarded message———-

From: Alan Chin <alanchinXXX>

Date: Sun, Apr 26, 2009 at 10:10 PM

Subject: GP in JC1 and pink marraige

Forwarded message

Dear praying parents,

For your immediate attention. Fwding some more info that (prayerfully) can help us see the aggresive and thwarted works of the Evil one thru the well meaning but totally brain-washed old guard of AWARE.

I’m extremely saddened and concerned and I felt compelled to share… just last Monday, my son in ACJC had for his GP lesson the topic on alternative family structure frm MOE. They were given notes for discussion on topic of same- sex marriage and same sex parents with adoption of children to form a family unit, with this new terminology PINK PARENTS.

Students were given a worksheet with questions about what is their idea of a nuclear family unit, what are their views about same -sex parents forming family unit and whether the government in S’pore will legalize gay marriages and whether they are for or against it.

During the lesson, they also watched a documentary of “A look into lifestyles of some same- sex marriage or Pink Parent family.”

Notes given were of 2 particular case study of :

1) Molly ( toddler ) with 2 moms.

2) A gay who wanted to have children decided to cohabit with a lesbian couple and between them they bored 2 girls and of course depicted the persons in these situations as happy and adjusted as any normal family.

It scares me to think of how children will be like growing up in such unconventional and dysfunctional family set up. Can you believe this is being taught in public schools, let alone Methodist ones like ACJC?

My son’s immediate response was that of disgust and I was relieved that my son’s lesson was taught by a Christian teacher and thus would be filtered to a certain extent. In my honest opinion, I simply cannot imagine how a

My questions are:

1) Does our mission school have a choice to reject such materials from MOE? and

2) Though discussions on it can be discussed in a healthy and matured way, is it necessary to put our children in such position that they have to choose for or against something that is so obviously wrong - as long as Penal code 377A is still in place?

3) Will the viewing of such images leave our impressionable children in a state of confusion?

In another JC, my friend’s daughter was given a hundred over pages of notes for GP in which there were pictures of lesbians kissing (this is not even allowed by censor boards in worldly magazines. Thankfully ACJC was more careful with this)

The students have to study the notes and sit for a quiz. Included in the notes were links to helpline and counselling from Aware. As you all may know, AWARE has a new exco, in which nine of the twelve are committed, prayerful Christians. However, the old exco (who have a pro-gay agenda) are planning to overthrow the new exco with a call to a vote of no confidence at the next AGM.

As concerned parents, are we going to sit back and not do anything about this? We have been praying for years for our children’s well being, maybe it’s a call now to go beyond just praying. We have to make our stand clearly and firmly for God and our children are watching us.

Mothers/women over the age of 18, please:

1) Consider joining Aware (sign up http://www.aware.org.sg/?page_id=130) and vote in favour of the exco.

2) Pray for the continual victory and the grace of God over this whole situation

Think and pray seriously about it, trust in God’s sovereignity (casting out all fear) in this situation and obey His direction. It really is a spiritual warfare in this day and age.

We do not act as representatives of any prayer group,church or school. We go as God’s children in Jesus’s Name choosing God’s law over others.

My vote to support Aware in its new cause may be most insignificant in this world but God is counting it as His!

In the same way that we could accept a drug addict but we cannot accept the act of taking drugs, we also could accept a homosexual but we should not allow our children to be taught that choosing homosexuality is acceptable. It’s not a civil right but a personal choice that should not be imposed on our society. Let’s protect all the children in S’pore.

Concerned n Prayerful,

2 Thess 4:7, 5: 23,24

Find the actual account here @

http://wayangparty.com/?p=8604

Addendum :

My understanding of the GP module in JC, is that it helps to foster critical thinking skills - be it through the discussion of sensitive topics relating to euthanasia, abortion and such. I have no idea whether what he said is true, or plausible in today's literature, but what I do think is that exposure to worldly affairs and material truths mould youths who are capable of discerning multiple perspectives, and is generally a more well-rounded education than that of a purely religious viewpoint.

great job Singapore!

2009-05-04T16:55:00.022+08:00

Great Job Singapore!

I am proud of the vast majority of Singaporean women. I am proud of the women who have taken a stand against the absurd accusations made against the old guard and the directives espoused by the new guard. I am proud of the enlightened views held by the many different civil sectors, waged against the small-mindedness of the few who seeks disparity through an ideological hegemony. I am proud of the Christians in Singapore who have stood up against the deliberate actions of a certain brand of other Christians who sully their religion through ignoble actions and Dominionism. I am so proud of the democratic process that has allowed for this amazing development to happen; I am proud of you ladies!

Good job Singapore!

On the other hand : I am ashamed of individuals like Thio and her cohort; bigots who crusade their brand of social idealism under the facade of equality. Individuals who possess nothing but their personal agendas; individuals with no actual accreditation in social welfare work, beyond that of self-labeling/promotion (feminist mentor? dean of the law faculty! wow! "My name is on the page 73!", "show some respect to your elders!"). I am ashamed of the backward individuals who continue to live in the backyards of their faith, who continually regress whilst the world moves forward. I am ashamed of religious figureheads abusing the sacred pulpit by disseminating errant ideas to their attentive flocks; the attempted mobilization of a religious body against a secular one, on grounds a perceived threat against the imaginary boundaries of their "One Nation Under God" ideology ; apologies or not, the initial intent is distasteful and outright disgusting. Religions for mindcontrol, no?

Shame on you!

The silver lining of this entire episode is, perhaps, the extraordinary attention AWARE that has been lavished upon AWARE. Attention that has generated an unprecedented level of activism amongst Singaporeans: women or men. Attention that will hopefully spur Singapore forward on the path of openness and acceptance, regardless of race, language, religion or sexual orientation.

PS: Watch the first new guard media conference @ http://theonlinecitizen.com/2009/04/aware-new-exco-april-23-news-conference/

You'll laugh your brains out.

Of Language and Walls

2009-04-28T23:30:00.019+08:00

Of Language and Walls

Up late; mad rush - 14 minutes later, me, a half-wreck by the roadside.

3 cabs whizzed by, seemingly all recession-proof; arrogantly in no immediate need of requiring fare. Do taxi-uncles determine their day's lot through some opaque, shamanistic ritual, I wondered. Did I looked especially repugnant, or perhaps, redolent of certain mephitic qualities?

Regardless.

I hopped onto the next one that came along, and hastily went, "Simei, uncle." To reiterate, I inflected the words in the exact phonetics required for basic understanding, or so I thought.

Inauspiciously, the uncle (who must be in his 60s?) went, "Huh? I donch no chynese", and smiled at me.

I wasn't feeling particularly forgiving and retorted, with nelly a skip, "That's not chinese, that's SIMEI." The uncle returned with, "Ohhhhh.....Sea-May", and smiled at me.

Observing the innards of his car, I noticed the unmistakable paraphernalia of : a proudly displayed business times, his taxi license with his chinese name on it, a smattering of differentenglish magazines strewn in the back-slots of the front seats, the really-loud-in-your-eardrums-and-soul music from class 95fm, but oddly enough - no english flag.

At my destination, I got off and went, "谢谢你" and smiled at him.

The resulting thoughts that emerged from this little encounter reminded me of something I wrote long ago, in my dead blog. As I struggled to salvage the memory, it dredged up new feelings and perspectives:

Why, should anyone, be proud of their language deficiency?

Long ago, I knew people who would not be caught dead speaking mandarin. It was a base thing to do, to uttercommon-folks' pidgin. Mandarin is for the poor and uneducated, obviously. Elites speak the Queen's English, and anything else is fathoms beneath. Like, how totally uncool is mandarin? Like, who needs to learn other languages, right?

Alas, language: of the written or verbal medium is a living, breathing entity. It is a monstrous thing, a beautiful thing; a divider and a connector. We hang onto the syntax and conjunctions, the commas and the dots. We defend it, we abuse it. It is the simplest, most direct form of inter-human communications, and yet, also oft-misunderstood. The dichotomy, or to be more accurate, the facets of Language draws it's strength and power from the imagination of the people whom it serves; and it is this ultra-intimacy which shapes and controls the boundaries of our experiences.

Cultures give birth to languages, or vice versus; whatever your opinions on this may be. It is the manifestations of the unique circumstances pervading different sectors of humanity. It is the identity and soul of a culture; and the evidence of history.

Singlish! For example. I've long heralded the beauty of our nation's breathing, changing topography of the global tongue. It is an unique amalgamation of our diverse ethnicity; a solace in foreign lands. Where destiny takes you far away, an incidental, "I miss you leh," brings you back home. Why should we suppress this? The majority of Singaporeans know better than to bring Singlish to the tables when doing a job interview. We are well educated enough to be able to discern the gravity of the situation, and we adjust: we're pretty good at it too.

Recently, a Japanese lady was chatting with me, and she went, "Next time when you are free lah, I will bring you to my restaurant for makan, ok?" And we laughed over her brilliant attempt at Singlish.

It is this attempt at using a common code, a common template of the peoples' language around you that binds us together - even foreigners from a distant land; even neighbours from a different race. Just a few simple words and you can break barriers, imagine! How powerful is that?

And just the other day, I was at the coffee-shop, chilling with a couple of colleagues over a cup of teh si peng, when I noticed this old Chinese uncle chatting with this Malay guy in flawless malay. If I had not looked, I would not had been able to tell that they were two gentlemen from different races!

This brought to mind, how my grandma and granddad has absolute mastery over several languages: chinese, malay,teochew, hokkien, hakka, cantonese - and a smattering ofenglish. Two old folks and they could converse with anyone that came along. Our generation now has more to deal with, to be fair: scores of physics notes to consign to rote, calculus formulae flowing off the tongue, who can blame us for not having the time to mix around in the bygone racial melting pot of the early days? And so, I mentioned wistfully to my friends, what will happen when the older generation dies? Will the different races be relegated to just speaking their own tongue in their own groups? The degree of intimacy will be drawn and demarcated, and we will not be able to converse beyond the Queen's English with each other: that is a cultural loss, I feel.

And so, I try my best to learn a little of everything. A "bolehsaya tolong awak, cik?", a "可以帮你吗?", a "Ohisashiburi desune!" can go a long way in making the people around you comfortable and appreciated. The way I see it, english is the bridge that spans continents, but speaking your neighbour's language is the warm hello that will open doors. Let language be a connector, not a divider.

So, how would I best share my experiences with you? Short of you reading my mind, the optimal choice would be for me to say it, or to pen it in words that you might connect with; words which might be emotive or casually, meaningless. Or to put it simply, words that you understand. And what a beautiful world it would be, when all barriers are transcended: language, cultural, religious, moral - just because the world is willing to try to understand each other.

And thus, I am proud to be a pretty fluent bilingual, with a limited (but to useful words!) vocabulary of the Japanese and Malay language. We should not be proud in resigning ourselves to a singular form of expression when the world around us is so diverse! We do not have to become a professor in the language, but what harm would learning some new words do to us? What harm can the ability to converse intimately to the people around us do?

So if we meet, why not bridge the gap atad, and let us converse in mandarin? (If you can help it)

PS: This is not to say that english cannot be intimate; it is afterall, the people involved in the communication that is most important. Language is a living tool, and we must use it to the best degree possible.

for beauty and fury

2009-04-25T01:12:00.017+08:00

For Beauty and Fury

Pondering upon the AWARE saga with a calmer faculty of mind, I have reorganised my thoughts into the following:

1) A monotheistic ex-co with strong conservative proclivities does not foster an image of diversity and inclusion, moreso for this secular entity that they now have the task of steering. A policy of inclusion will see the ex-co governed by strong ladies of various faith, denominations, niche and orientation.

2) The propagation of the ex-co's vision can be achieved through the formation of another entity, separate from AWARE. This is a simple enough concept, but obviously the effect would not have been the same. In creating their own NGO, they would had been free to explore whatever agendas they deem fit. The ousting of the Old Guard due to it's "wayward" and overly "diversified" interests (homosexual issues or not) sends the signal that everything the old guard hadstrived for is erroneous and has to be corrected.

3) If a homosexual woman seeks help from AWARE, what would be her recourse? Will she find acceptance or rehabilitation? If a lady, for whatever compelling reason, seeks counselling for abortion, will she be given an impartial view of the issue? Will the ex-co revise the sexual education being meted out, to exclude contraceptives, condoms and safer sex, and instead preach their message of abstinence?

4) The ex-co claims not to know each other, despite a vast majority coming from the same church, and evidently, the same feminist mentor. Why do we, as a people, continue to delude ourselves or pretend not to notice the glaring simplicity of this connection? With all threads leading back to the same spool, how can we ignore the obvious?

5) The Old Guard is equally to blame for this fiasco. For their complacency in the elections which led to this debacle, and for not straddling the fine line of inclusion well enough. Their overt tones of homosexuality cannot possibly sit well with alot of parents. If the Old Guard is about inclusion, then the views of the dissenting parents must be included as well.

6) We must continue to support the right of individuals: ladies or gentlemen, queer or straight. Regardless of religion, creed and race. This is the least we can do, to not descend into the ex-co's level.

I then asked myself, how does the AWARE issue concern me?

And my answer is that:

1) I do not like the Thio family. Blunt, but true. Their family has inclinations of anti-gay rhetorics however they sugar-coat or embellish their justifications. Their speeches in parliment, letters, overtures and deeds all reeks of propaganda. So let us not delude ourself further when we see these names being associated with this whole saga; let us not pretend that we do not know just what it is they peddle beneath their skirts.

2) I do not like christians (most of them). Over the course of my life, they have proven again and again to be highly self-righteous, ready to judge others based on the words of a book selectively printed by the policies of a human-governed organisation.

I believe in Absolutes. Love, Choice and Death are Absolutes. Do no harm unto Others, is an Absolute. Anything else; be it rituals, customs, stories or ancedotes are man-made, man-tainted. All of the above are coloured prisms through which the infinite light of the Absolutes shine through. Down the vast vista of history, man and religions endeavour to channel and prim the light of these Absolutes into messages that can be utilised for their own ends, for the harvesting of weaker minds:

I will not settle for anything lesser than the pure light of the Absolutes.

And thus, the message that this new ex-co brings, is just another layer of scum and grim attempting to control the Absolutes.

That is not acceptable to me, and should not be acceptable to you.

3) We have to fight Domionism, wherever it may rear it's ugly head.

And then I asked myself, why should you be concerned?

1) Because apathy rots our soul.

2) Because the signal that the New Guard is sending, is that the Old Guard's overtly homosexual inclusivity is erroneous and has to be stopped and brought back to it's roots. They have stated so, in crystal clear language.

This directly interdicts our freedom as well:

The taking of one is but a step that will begin a thousand miles.

of righteous Indignation

2009-04-24T12:41:00.019+08:00

Of Righteous Indignation

I was taking a fence-sitter stance on the recent AWARE episode, preferring to defer opinions until concrete statements were made, with regard to the new guard's agendas. This is the measured and considered reticence of one who is willing to give them the benefit of a doubt.

This morning's paper galvanised my thoughts and feelings into this sublime state of simmering indignation; a sentiment which is now being echoed amongst the friends whom I had laid this news upon.

Whilst the broad-minded urges objectivity and, perhaps, a certain sense of the broader spectrum of the world beyond our own, one cannot help but envision the demarcations being drawn into the sands. How can this not devolve into a standoff between a certain religion and homosexuality is beyond me.

Retrospectively: is the media to blame for polarizing this issue? I cannot help but sense a certain smack of sensationalism in this, and although AWARE is NOT a primarily gay establishment, the points raised by the new guard (or selectively highlighted by the press) seems to be making homosexual issues a cornerstone of their agendas.

Churches peddling gay rehabilitation programs are a nuisance but generally tolerated as they operated within an esoteric ideal. Secular programs should largely, remain secular or they risk ostracising the very diversity they seek to include. At this,AWARE's old guard has much to be blamed as well, but that is largely water under the bridge.

While I have to take the whole broad context of the fiasco into consideration, the issue I am most concerned with is the signal that homosexual family units are considered an aberration of the term "Family". A progressive society continually reinvents itself, seeking to discard archaic dogmas.

Approaching the word "Family" semantically reveals :

fam·i·ly (fm-l, fml)

n. pl. fam·i·lies

a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

If two gay men or women forms a unit of love and trust, is that not preferable to the free-loving going around? If monogamy and stability is the preferred status, who is anyone to deny them that? Religions are coloured spectacles of dogma, tainted world-views of bygone people. The only absolute that exists is in Love and Choice. No one has the right to take that away, no matter the justifications.

Likewise, I believe the coup of AWARE serves a largely symbolic purpose; it is fairly easy enough for these ladies to form their own NGO serving the "pro-family", religious fundamentalist stance. In the taking of AWARE, they are sending the clear, unequivocal message that the "wrong" has to be "right-ed", and that their justifications is soundly based in the moral fabric of the larger socio-environment.

The question then is this:

How should Singaporeans respond to this?

PS: Typed in a flurry, and posted without editing, will add in more later when I'm off work.

Turquoise

2009-04-04T00:58:00.004+08:00

Turqoise

Seventy two minutes into tomorrow,

Quiet comes to me,

He takes apart my vastness,

and He beckons, languidly -

He bids me, dreams of colours:

of Spectrums long and deep.

In words of hue and fancy - alas,

'Tis language I do not speak,

He undo, consumed yearnings:

of patience, unrelenting:

He tells me future stories,

of Patterns disintergrating -

He shows me, maudlin memories:

Refurnished in my own terms.

The place within - Disarranged,

by proxy reaffirms,

That in Silence,

ever grateful Silence,

we find a greater Deed -

that henceforth seeds the verdant,

with auspicious treachery;

We fear the noble nothingness,

by Quiet it be done,

in ones and twos we come apart,

for All things do not last -

So Quiet bids me farewell,

He takes the scenic route -

nothing marks His passing,

nor sand nor rock nor bones,

and pencilled words along the margin,

like softly-telling prayers; (my voices?)

passing weaves and drying eyes,

crumbling cities,

Quiescent colours -

and apart, together -

there and now:

Colours swim in noiseless fashion,

a single word retrieved,

do make of me,

a bright and somber

turquoise.

Bible In A Minute

2009-03-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

Bible In A Minute

Not that I really care about the religion, but I love these two. Pretty creative stuff.

On Chivalry Part 1

2009-02-28T12:31:00.020+08:00

On Chivalry

I would like to relate a couple of incidents that left an impression on me.

1.
Midweek evening. Crowded home-bound train. A nondescript journey, if not downright plebeian. The flow of humans ebbed and waned, packing into the metallic cabin following the mindless dictates of some spatial economics. A group of angmoh blokes sat in my immediate area, joking boisterously in sexy baritones.

An uncle: 50s, maybe 60s, stood in the center of the cabin. Stood in the center of the cabin: singing, he did. Hokkein words rattled off his tongue in a litany: trance-like, purposeful. He had a bundle of joss-sticks in his hands which he waved periodically, punctuating his lyrics with masterful strokes. Crazed intent glinted in his eyes. I caught a few intelligible words amidst all the flourish; pidgin translated roughly into a caricature of local politics and otherworldly esoteric.

We stared, naturally. The cabin felt electrified; the blokes were grinning to themselves as they watched in bemusement. The spectacle made for interesting entertainment no doubt and the moment was pregnant with violent possibilities.

An altercation ensued. As if driven by a karmic script, another man stepped onto the stage: tall, lanky, half-crazy. The permutations of human traffic that allowed for this one chance amalgamation of crazed personalities struck me, at that moment, as possibly divine.

Harsh, unintelligible words sparred. Everyone stared with disguised interest. I pretended not to notice, preferring the book-sanctuary of my alternate universes and galactic opera. Periodically, I locked gaze with one of the angmoh bloke and was greeted with a mischievous glint and a half-knowing smile, as if we were sharing in some salacious secret.

Events slowly crescendo-ed. Things started to get physical. The singing uncle started doing pull-ups on the horizontal bars, kungfu-esque hand-chops and hearty bellows. The other responded with middle fingers and glowering sneers. They stood a hair-breadth apart, facing each other down.

Cityhall station - the crowd thickened. The atmosphere was palatable. The newly initiated wave of humans felt the brewing disquiet and instinctively moved away to other parts of the train. It was like watching a train wreck : inherently tragic and yet perversely attractive to the senses - one could not afford to look away for fear of missing the dramatic punch or knife stab that will warrant a brief interlude on the evening news.

Out of the blue, literally, a lady in blue tudung (bless her heart), wedged herself between the two simmering dynamics. Whilst everyone stood away in trepidation and apathy, mimicking the indifferent air of superior nonchalance (myself included, unfortunately), this feisty lady broke the tension with stern and powerful words that etched like fire in my memory.

"You two! Stop acting like children! This is a train! Stop it right now and get out!"

Whether they were literate enough to understand english was non-essential. Like chastised puppies, they retreated, whimpering. They continued their tirade of course, but it was done in the fashion of soliloquies; whisperings of whisperings to their demons and gods. The Lady-In-Blue took off on the next station, and the Singing Uncle got off one station after her. With two adversaries removed, the Lanky Uncle started talking to himself, and the momentum of the moment slowly bleed away into the collective calm of the cabin.

But of course, we knew that the climax of the drama had been reached; a culmination achieved. All that was required of the universe at that moment was a gradual diminishing, until none but I remained to document that one little burp in the brilliant fabric of apathy.

I learnt a valuable lesson that day; of the power of intercession, of bravery, of social responsibility. While I cannot promise that I will do better, or even match the lady, I believe that I must at least try: for what can one lady do, that we cannot?

Part 2 to be continued

魔術先生

2009-02-24T23:20:00.003+08:00

Mr Magician

One of Jay's song that I really adore. Very happy song with quirky lyrics! ^^

魔術先生

A midnight dally

2009-02-18T01:11:00.007+08:00

A Midnight Thing

No traffic, human or otherwise touched this side of the night; the cityscape settled quietly, in colourless yawns as a soft drizzle danced on the tips of lonely streetlamps. Pools of poignant orange gathered where the streetlamps stood, diffused and sullen; beads of lingering warmth running down the length of an emptier street.

He strolled along; an ambulatory gait devoid of direction. A wind stroked his jacket, danced in his hair, tugged at his sleeves, and went away into the folds of the city. A flickering green man turned blood red, uncaring of his presence; a single car left him behind in the dust. What the day presents, the night removes: no sense of purpose, no wistful colours.

The night; a thief, sneaks upon him. Carves his soul into little pieces. Dances like wild fire. A thousand shards of melancholy, and of it all: solitude he finds, most beguiling.

Steve Jobs speaks at Standford Commencement.

2009-02-03T14:02:00.004+08:00

Steve Jobs Speaks

Well worth a read.
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Steve Jobs Speaks at Stanford Commencement
Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.

Does science make belief in God obsolete?

2009-02-03T11:17:00.011+08:00

Does Science make belief in God obsolete?

Read the full transcript at http://www.templeton.org/belief/
Steven Pinker is the Johnstone Family Professor in the department of psychology at Harvard University. He is the author of seven books, including The Language Instinct, How the Mind Works, The Blank Slate,and most recently, The Stuff of Thought: Language as a Window into Human Nature.
Yes, if by...
"science" we mean the entire enterprise of secular reason and knowledge (including history and philosophy), not just people with test tubes and white lab coats.

Traditionally, a belief in God was attractive because it promised to explain the deepest puzzles about origins. Where did the world come from? What is the basis of life? How can the mind arise from the body? Why should anyone be moral?

Yet over the millennia, there has been an inexorable trend: the deeper we probe these questions, and the more we learn about the world in which we live, the less reason there is to believe in God.

Start with the origin of the world. Today no honest and informed person can maintain that the universe came into being a few thousand years ago and assumed its current form in six days (to say nothing of absurdities like day and night existing before the sun was created). Nor is there a more abstract role for God to play as the ultimate first cause. This trick simply replaces the puzzle of "Where did the universe come from?" with the equivalent puzzle "Where did God come from?"

What about the fantastic diversity of life and its ubiquitous signs of design? At one time it was understandable to appeal to a divine designer to explain it all. No longer. Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace showed how the complexity of life could arise from the physical process of natural selection among replicators, and then Watson and Crick showed how replication itself could be understood in physical terms. Notwithstanding creationist propaganda, the evidence for evolution is overwhelming, including our DNA, the fossil record, the distribution of life on earth, and our own anatomy and physiology (such as the goose bumps that try to fluff up long-vanished fur).

For many people the human soul feels like a divine spark within us. But neuroscience has shown that our intelligence and emotions consist of intricate patterns of activity in the trillions of connections in our brain. True, scholars disagree on how to explain the existence of inner experience-some say it's a pseudo-problem, others believe it's just an open scientific problem, while still others think that it shows a limitation of human cognition (like our inability to visualize four-dimensional space-time). But even here, relabeling the problem with the word "soul" adds nothing to our understanding.

People used to think that biology could not explain why we have a conscience. But the human moral sense can be studied like any other mental faculty, such as thirst, color vision, or fear of heights. Evolutionary psychology and cognitive neuroscience are showing how our moral intuitions work, why they evolved, and how they are implemented within the brain.

This leaves morality itself-the benchmarks that allow us to criticize and improve our moral intuitions. It is true that science in the narrow sense cannot show what is right or wrong. But neither can appeals to God. It's not just that the traditional Judeo-Christian God endorsed genocide, slavery, rape, and the death penalty for trivial insults. It's that morality cannot be grounded in divine decree, not even in principle. Why did God deem some acts moral and others immoral? If he had no reason but divine whim, why should we take his commandments seriously? If he did have reasons, then why not appeal to those reasons directly?

Those reasons are not to be found in empirical science, but they are to be found in the nature of rationality as it is exercised by any intelligent social species. The essence of morality is the interchangeability of perspectives: the fact that as soon as I appeal to you to treat me in a certain way (to help me when I am in need, or not to hurt me for no reason), I have to be willing to apply the same standards to how I treat you, if I want you to take me seriously. That is the only policy that is logically consistent and leaves both of us better off. And God plays no role in it.

For all these reasons, it's no coincidence that Western democracies have experienced three sweeping trends during the past few centuries: barbaric practices (such as slavery, sadistic criminal punishment, and the mistreatment of children) have decreased significantly; scientific and scholarly understanding has increased exponentially; and belief in God has waned. Science, in the broadest sense, is making belief in God obsolete, and we are the better for it.
Steven Pinker is the Johnstone Family Professor in the department of psychology at Harvard University. He is the author of seven books, including The Language Instinct, How the Mind Works, The Blank Slate, and most recently, The Stuff of Thought: Language as a Window into Human Nature.

Christoph Cardinal Schönborn, O.P., is a Dominican friar, the Archbishop of Vienna, Austria, a Member of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and the Congregation for Education of the Roman Catholic Church, and was lead editor of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Yes and No.

No, as a matter of reason and truth. The knowledge we have gained through modern science makes belief in an Intelligence behind the cosmos more reasonable than ever.

Yes, as a matter of mood, sensibility, and sentiment. Not science itself but a reductive "scientific mentality" that often accompanies it, along with the power, control, comfort, and convenience provided by modern technology, has helped to push the concept of God into the hazy twilight of agnosticism. Superficially it may seem that the advances of science have made God obsolete by providing natural explanations for phenomena that were once thought to be the result of direct divine activity—the so-called "God of the gaps." But this advance has been the completion of a program of purification from superstition begun thousands of years ago by Athens and Jerusalem, by a handful of Greek sages and by the people of Israel, who "de-divinized" Nature to a degree unparalleled in the ancient world. Summarizing an established tradition 750 years ago, St. Thomas Aquinas taught that the wise governor ordinarily governs by delegation to competent subordinates. In the case of Nature, God's ordinary providence governs by means of the regularities ("laws") built into the natures of created things.

This theistic outlook has been fully vindicated. As the ancient Greek materialists recognized long ago, if we wish to explain the observed world in terms of Matter without reference to Mind, then it must be explained by things material, ultimate, and very simple all at the same time—by indivisible, notional "atoms" and a chance "swerve" that sets them in random motion. If the things of everyday experience are mere aggregates of these "atoms," and if the cosmos is infinitely old and infinitely large, then chance can do the rest. To be the complete explanation of material reality, these "atoms," and whatever natural regularities they exhibit, must be so simple that their existence as inexplicable "brute facts" is plausible.

Fast-forward to the present: Modern science has shown that Nature is ordered, complex, mathematically tractable, and intelligible "all the way down," as far as our instruments and techniques can discern. Instead of notional, perfectly simple "atoms," we have discovered the extraordinarily complex, beautiful, and mathematical "particle zoo" of the Standard Model of physics, hovering on the border of existence and intelligibility (as Aristotle predicted long ago with his doctrine of prime matter). And order, complexity, and intelligibility exist "all the way up" as well. We see a teleological hierarchy and chain of emergence from quantized physics, giving rise to stable chemistry, enabling the nearly miraculous properties of carbon and biochemistry, providing the material basis for the emergence of life with its own ontological hierarchy of metabolic (plant), sensitive (animal), and rational (human) existence. Beyond this astounding and unfailing order and intelligibility, our knowledge of which increases each day as science expands its scope, we now know of the precise fine-tuning of the physical laws and constants that make possible a life-supporting universe.

In short, the Nature we know from modern science embodies and reflects immaterial properties and a depth of intelligibility far beyond the wildest imaginings of the Greek philosophers. To view all these extremely complex, elegant, and intelligible laws, entities, properties, and relations in the evolution of the universe as "brute facts" in need of no further explanation is, in the words of the great John Paul II, "an abdication of human intelligence."

But the modern mood is an entirely different matter. In terms of modern sensibilities, the intellectual culture of the West is dominated by a scientific mentality that seeks to explain qualitative and holistic realities by quantitative and reductive descriptions of the workings of their parts. Although the scientific program that gives rise to this mentality has been quite successful in explaining the material basis for holistic realities, and in allowing us to manipulate natural things to our advantage by altering the configuration of their parts, it fails to grasp the reality of natural things themselves. The unlimited application of the "scientific mentality" is scientism, the philosophical claim that the scientific method and scientific explanations can grasp all of reality. For many, scientism is accompanied by agnosticism or atheism.

In terms of popular sentiment, however, scientism has not carried the day. Most people still intuitively cling to the notion that at least human nature and human experience are not reducible to what is scientifically knowable. But with no rational alternative to scientism, most people live in a “soft,” non-rational, and relativistic world of feelings, opinions, and personal values. The increase in leisure and health brought about by our increasing mastery over Nature has not resulted, as the ancient sages supposed, in an increase in wisdom and the contemplation of the good, the true, and the beautiful. Instead, our technology-based leisure is more likely to result in quiet hedonism, consumerism, and mind-numbing mass entertainment. While many still claim belief in God, the course of their lives reflects de facto agnosticism in which the "God hypothesis" is far from everyday experiences and priorities.

In all our scientistic "knowledge" of the inner workings of things, and our technology-based comforts and distractions, there seems to be no place for the still, small voice of God. In that practical and existential sense, science and technology seem to have pushed belief in God toward obsolescence. Or have they?

In our innermost being, we moderns remain unsatisfied. Sooner or later we face an existential crisis, and recognize in our lives something broken, disordered, in need of redemption. The fact that we can recognize disorder, brokenness, and sin means that they occur within a larger framework of order, beauty, and goodness, or else in principle we could not recognize them as such. Yet brokenness and disorder are painfully present, and the human soul by its nature seeks something more, a deeper happiness, a lasting good. Consideration of the order and beauty in nature can lead us to a Something, the "god of the philosophers," but consideration of our incompleteness leads us beyond, in search of a Someone who is the Good of us all. Science will never make that quest obsolete.

Happy 牛 Year!

2009-01-26T21:44:00.017+08:00

Happy Cow Year!

I love Chinese New Year: the bustling, hustling air submerges me in the memories and colours of a playful childhood. Happy memories awashed in smells and nostalgia.

This year's preparations were late, by normal reckoning: causing a mad rush of buying and cleaning and scrubbing and wiping mere days before 年除夕. But it was fun, no doubt.

I am also, pretty traditional: of the sort that fastidiously adheres to new year taboos and rituals.

No swearing, cleaning, cursing, moping.

Do not break anything.

Do not discuss morbid things.

Do not complain.

Do not look into your red packet until....erh..

Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200.

Random pics with no meaning whatsoever!

Happy prosperous and healthy 牛 Year everyone!

in case you havent read this

2009-01-20T10:24:00.007+08:00

Sweet Story

Two German children, six and seven, elope for Africa

Two childhood sweethearts, aged six and seven, eloped from Hanover in northern Germany on New Year's Eve, determined to tie the knot under the African sun, police said Monday.
The pair identified as Mika and Anna-Lena "are very much in love and decided to get married in Africa where it is warm, taking with them as a witness Anna-Lena's little sister, aged five," police spokesman Holger Jureczko told AFP.
The idea for the romantic trip began when Mika told the two girls about his recent holiday in Italy, while their families celebrated New Year's Eve together. "From this, the children began to make plans for the future," Jureczko said.
As the first dawn of 2009 broke, the trio started to put these plans into action, packing all the essentials for the journey, including "sunglasses, swimming trunks, a lilo, summer clothes and provisions."
While their parents slept, they left their house in the suburbs of Hanover, walked a kilometre (two-thirds of a mile) up the road to a tram stop from where they took a tram for the central station.
Waiting for a train to the airport, they aroused the attention of a guard who contacted police.
Two officers managed to convince the young lovers that they would struggle to get to Africa without money or a plane ticket.
As a consolation, the children were given a special tour of the police headquarters at Hanover station where they were especially taken with the detention cells.
Their relieved parents picked them up from the station, the spokesman said, adding: "They can still put their plan into action at a later date."
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Such an endearing story of innocence and love. Hope everyone is doing well.
Happy Belated 2009..haha.

My Favourite Comix

2008-11-07T10:39:00.004+08:00

This happens to me all the time.

Introducing everyone to my favourite comic strip about Romance, Sarcasm, Math and Language!

http://xkcd.com

turning tides

2008-11-05T10:37:00.012+08:00

You and I, my friends, we sit on the threshold of history.

Barrak or McCain.

The fortunes of our world on a pinhead.

and I'm not even American.

Hah.

Sian

2008-11-03T09:36:00.007+08:00

Woke up at 5am feeling uncomfortable.

The bedsheet felt sticky; my head, thick with wool; my stomach bloated.

I could not return to sleep, so I walked around the pitch-dark living room, assailed by both the need to sleep and puke.

I puked up some undigested dinner as my head spun around some. Undeterred, I crawled back onto my bed, and found that if I laid prone, the urge to retch returned. And so, I sat upright on my bed, hoping to meditate and perhaps keep the yuckiness in abeyance.....

....And I fell asleep sitting up.

When I woke up, my arms and legs were numb, and a wretched bloatedness had made camp in the pits of my stomach. Fatigue washed over me: as if I had fought a quiet battle across the invisible fields of my neurological system and lost.

As I sat, contemplating the discomfort I am feeling, it occurred to me that it might have been something I ate last night; or perhaps the quantity of that previous meal.

In anycase, here I am. Feeling sorry for myself; not wanting to move around much. I would go lay on the bed, if I could, despite the general lack of quality sleep: I can't. I can't even sit without feeling arkward and fatigued.

This sucks.

Long Weekend

2008-10-28T13:35:00.029+08:00

A long weekend,

Where did Wally go?

A thousand stories; a single thread.

Gay Education

2008-10-16T11:34:00.002+08:00

For the misguided heterosexuals and breeders out there,

please educate yourself with this :

LOMO

2008-10-14T13:59:00.003+08:00

My first LOMO: Diana F+.

We'll see.

/rubs Diana.

All Sheeps Go To Heaven

2008-10-08T17:13:00.015+08:00

This is Joo, who accompanied M on a sojourn across taiwan. He attended him on their many adventures through the wild land, keeping him warm in my absence. Joo is pretty vain, but is nevertheless a sensible little sheep.

This is Joolette, our transexual son who used to be our daughter. He has a wanton streak which we find irrepressibile. He is sprawled across the table in a grin because he is smashed up on naughty substances. Sigh. The black sheep of the family.

As you can see, Joolette's rebellious streak has led to his incontinent substance abusing habits, much to the chagrin of Joo.

And this is why Joolette looks perpetually happy and high.

the entry without paragraphs or casuality

2008-10-06T10:25:00.014+08:00

I am possessed of certain proclivities; colourful mind-dews that condense like water on the cool of my spirit. To live a life of fullness, one must envision certain boundaries; certain invariables that mark that corners of your world. A common and useful metaphor that I use involves the imagery of a sea; a vista boundless and fathoms-deep, overstretching just so, from without my mind; the dichotomy of a bubbling stream of tap water - leaking from somewhere within my soul into a sidewalk puddle. Utter freedom is a formless thing: quietly insidious in guise and raiment, paying due to an entropy of will and perspective that bleeds like a setting sun. An absolute dissolution of Choice: for in ultimate freedom, we are enslaved and assailed by all that could be, has been and had came before. To divide infinity, one returns to the equation with more degrees of eternity. And so, I relinquish myself to limitations; to know the cup that holds the wine and feel its overarching embrace reach over and around of me, such that I might be given leave to overflow, with the ocean of my being.

Voyeurism

2008-10-02T23:11:00.010+08:00

the little things

2008-09-25T18:51:00.015+08:00

The kiss of two beautiful babies. (not mine!)

Say cheese!

Rafee! Pretty boy!

and not forgetting Patch (the dog) and Percy (the cat)!

I have a fondness for dogs with short hair and perky ears! Just like how I like my guys! Haha.

Hmmm. Maybe not the ears part.

funny

2008-09-23T11:41:00.001+08:00

Watch this above first, then watch the one below:

Cheered me up!

"Thanks thanks thanks thanks"

2008-09-23T11:02:00.004+08:00

This had to be shared.

I love Leslie, but this is pretty funny: especially the gyrating girls - I could NOT look away.

'cos im on a roll.

above all else

2008-09-22T12:09:00.020+08:00

The sunday morning sun bore down upon us as we prepped ourselves for the day ahead: each bound here by the common, unspoken passion for scaling the limits of height and mind.

Comradeship permeated the air as words of encouragement bolstered the climbers; invisible cushions of support and strength weaved from the threads of laughter and sweat. A solo-sport in style, a community-sport in spirit: I love climbing.

Beatrix doing her stuff.

Getting ready for the day.

One knot, many hands.

Ascending.

Me: reaching for the sky.

The view from the top is awesome.

Orgasmic.

My lifeline.

Which led us to be Level 1 certified.

One step closer to Level 2!

/end

Geeks

2008-09-16T20:13:00.008+08:00

We were supposed to catch Wild Ocean at the Omnimax Theatre, but it turns out that the Science Centre is closed on Mondays!! Who would have thought that the quest for knowledge rests on Mondays? This is a valuable lesson to all ye geeks out there: maketh of google beforeth embarking on strange journeys.

So we traipsed across the landscape of Science,

and encountered weird beasts and violent fauna.

Oh well.

And I recieved this yesterday,

Yay. Now I can terrorise aunties on the road.

target affixed

2008-09-12T19:41:00.005+08:00

:: Me in 1 months time ::

Nike Human Race

2008-09-11T15:30:00.014+08:00

Sleek raindrops danced on our backs as clouds gathered above a massive sea of red.

The air was humid, but thick with festive anticipation; groups mingled in their corners, smiles were traded and tucked away quickly.

The day was just beginning.

An endless wave of crushing bodies surged forward as excited feet tapped in time to the loud, mind-numbing music.

The sticky air relented as we exchanged warm words all around. I tipped on my toes to glance over the countless heads; I could not see the racefront.

A DJ blared over the speaker as we started the imminent countdown.

The game was on.

56 minutes later,

I looked back on the race:

The constant distraction of cute boy marshals;

shit. which direction was I supposed to go again?

the constant distraction of cute boy runners;

the susurrus of my devil saying,

"come on, just walk lah";

there was no other player,

just me and myself.

And we celebrated life.

And the start of something crazy.

More runs to come.

reintro plz?

2008-09-11T12:51:00.003+08:00

Okay.

My sabbatical; this artless sojourn in a cybernetic purgatory, shall cease.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Such a paradoxical venture, this: to exercise caution or let loose to the winds?

Don't Sell Me Your Church

2007-11-11T23:33:00.005+08:00

Don't Sell Me Your Church

I for one, believe that the world would be a better place without organised religions.

I had the misfortune of bumping into a roadside-evangelist today (I thought they went extinct when Armageddon didn't happen 6years back as they planned...pity): the type that loiters amongst Man attempting to look human, or intelligent for that matter, with the book (haha) and pamphlets printed with the same proselytizing jingles. They are classified in my brain under the same section as door-to-door salesmen, or mosquitoes, or bad sex; and the common evangelist (also known as minor spiritus irritatus) is the amalgamation of these aspects manifest.

Actually, I must looked the archetype of sin, for it never fails to amuse me how they could single me out in a freaking bus interchange during the evening rush hour. Or perhaps, I looked gullible enough and had the scent of new born lambs (the smell of fear and innocence attracts them, I heard). In any case, the devil inside of me wanted to hear what she had to say - curiosity, if you will, and I was kind enough to allow her to believe I was actually concerned over the good news she was about to portent for that few minutes in her god-fearing life, well, because I am tolerant and had good manners.

In anycase, she told me that it was time to repent, and to renounce all my sinful ways (if I had any..*cough*) in the embrace of the lord god. Nothing breathtakingly new. She asked me what my religion was, and I told her that I had none but am a practising Buddhist, to which she responded with a wiry smile (I took it as she couldn't understand the difference between religion and spirituality) before going in that cute little pratter of hers. She handed me a plastic thingy with several pamphlets inside, before asking me my thoughts on pre-marital sex. I told her that premarital sex is cool and that marriage is not part of my agenda in this lifetime. She seemed alittle concerned, and thus proceeded to talk about abstinence and how sex before a sanctified marriage demeans the value of love and spirituality.

At this juncture, I knew I had expended my good karma points for the day, and sanity was slowly slipping; and so I managed to say something to the extent of - "Love cannot be debased" before excusing myself posthaste. It was only when I got home did I realised that I had no idea which religious organisation she was affiliated with (I threw the thingy away). Talk about bad salesmanship.

On hindsight, as much as I crave for a higher-love, for a belief in being the centre of some cosmic attention, I cannot bring myself to blindly follow the dogma regurgitated through the unbeknown thought processes of some man (also known as major spiritus interruptus) or group with their own agendas. A collective belief is such a powerful force that it can overcome reason and logic: just look at the fundamentalist lobbying against condoms and stem-cell research or the magnificent planet-wide coordination of the paradoxical muslim terrorists. 2000 years from the birth of christ, and these same people brandish their time-worn book and hide behind their archaic parishes; refusing to budge from the comfort zone of stoic faith, refusing to acknowledge anything else besides the collective ramblings of men long gone.

What good are religions, but an organised effort to inject the dogmas of the past into the blood of the present? Jesus was a revolutionist of his time, he wasn't a man shackled by status quo, and sometimes I wonder if the current state of things were of his original intent and how much of the corporate-ship religion-model nowadays are really the byproducts of men with agendas. Simple minded people flock to the nearest church promising an afterlife that would be meaningful and not maggot-ridden. People fear death, so there really isn't an argument here, 'cos whatever floats your boat, baby. The problem is that these same people do not think, they possess no mental faculty or a basic modicum of ideological individualism. They rely on someone else to feed them their beliefs: to tell them how to eat, sleep, act, think, behave. I giggle at the delicious irony whenever the term "Shepherd and his sheeps" comes to mind.

Sometimes, I'd look at the terrorists and think, these are poor souls who are dying to resist the tides of change. And in seeking out their personal evil, they had projected their own fears and resent onto a much grander scale - the american wave sweeping the world. America (and everything associated with it) is thus, the evil that must be defeated for the old ways to stay pure. Very simplistic thinking actually. We'll just have to hope the terrorists implode themselves from the face of the planet...and maybe bring a few churches along with it too.

Oops. Deicidal streak exposed again.

And yah, I went off on a tangent. Blah.

Say no to mind-control. Nights.

big wall of text crits you for 37612 damage

2006-04-20T02:58:00.002+08:00

On Unkarma

Consider this: whilst most people subscribe to the ideology of Karma being a force of consequences, I have, upon considerable ponderance, augmented this viewpoint with the belief that Karma is an internalised force, rather than an external universal power subtly enmeshed with the fortunes of man.

To analogise first in the extreme: a man raped another man's wife. She was badly brutalised and her husband, in a fit of rage, killed the rapist. Subsequently, the husband was convicted of manslaughter (or whatever) and the beleaguered wife, in her sorrow and despair, took her own life. We could then say, that the rapist got his just dessert, and the husband - for killing the rapist - in turn, received his own. Universal justice prevailed, or rather, the system of Man did. If we were to turn this around, who is to say then, that it was not a debt of Karma the wife had paid? Whence then, flows the direction of morality? Is not morality, the fundamentals of our commonly-perceived form of Karma?

If an orphaned kid in Timbuktu (or insert wherever), hungry and desperate in a sun-baked city, is to steal a pie from a local vendor, and subsequently falls sick from the pie (because stealing, by all of society's normality, is an aberration of the "good" laws) would that be considered a divine retribution? Do not unto others, what you want not unto you. We've all heard that before, but is it possible to practice when there are people, children of the world, lost in a living purgatory? How then, do they redeem themselves when destiny chucks them away in a corner of a world where they are the targets of Providence and good will? If you exist on a level where the paradigms of morality blurs, who is to judge your actions? What is to justify your actions? How could you be faulted, for trying to survive?

The boy who steals an apple is a bad boy. So what about the boy who steals an apple for his dying mother?

And to the discerning, the compassionate, we might look at the little boy and say: "It's ok, here, take this money and bring a doctor to your mum" but where then, did the little boy's karma debt went? What about the vendor who lost his earnings, who might, in turn have a family to feed? Does subjectivity then trivialise morality? Is it okay to do things as long as it is justified? Is the univeral powers oft-lenient to the well-reasoned? How then do you claim universal justification? Who is to say that the rapist is not justified, due to this uncontrollable urge, augmented by the (in his mind) salacious tauntings of the wife? Surely, the husband is justified in killing the rapist! Is it okay then, to say that you are unredeemable just because of circumstances? That things happened, beyond your control?

Thus, when all external reckoning fails, we must look inwards. In the end, society's basis of morality must fail. Society does not equate to spirituality/morality, and yet the forces of status quo enroach every aspect of our judgements. The rapist must be the aggressor, the little kid is forgivable. From where do we draw these conclusions? Is there a common benchmark of morality that sleeps within our subconcious? Why is it that we frown upon someone hurting another, yet remain agreeable when we inflict the same pain onto the aggressor? A death sentence for the murderer, it's only logical, isn't it? Or is it?

To understand the root of karma, I'll ask you to look at a tree in the autumn breeze. A falling leaf sways to the undulations of the breeze, it does not falter. It will reach the place where it must, be it on a rock or a patch of water. It will decay, return to the earth, nourish the tree and be reborn as a new leaf. It will perpetuate this cycle of life, persisting in the wind, until one day, it returns as a seed: whence it'll fall to the earth, where it waits to become a new tree, or not.

So of Karma I'd say that it is not a force of judgement, but of choice. Karma is born not from your actions, but in the process of your decisions. Karma is the force of morality sleeping within your psyche, where instances of righteousness and avarice is fought on the battlefield of your soul. Karma never returns to haunt you, because you will go where the wind blows, and whether a new tree will grow, only you will know.

So next time, please stop and think before you say to somebody with a naughty tinkle in your eye,

"Yeah, you probably deserved it."

"Let us all be unto the lotus."

deconstruction of a falling star

2006-04-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

Maybe I will find you one day,

and we shall sit under the withdrawing sun;

softly, quietly, painting our memories an eternal shade.

Maybe you will fall in love with me,

and I shall open my soul to this -

blossoming unknown;

gently, anxiously, awaiting the colours of my love's dawn.

a day of maroon

2006-03-18T03:15:00.002+08:00

A Day of Maroon

Bland weather, soupy skies.

I imagined raindrops on the windowpane, today, when I woke up to this silence: invisible lines meandered with a pitter-patter softly drumming in my head. The world was a soggy mess of colours. The air - a frigid humming from the conditioner. I sat in bed for awhile, thinking about the things you could do in the rain, or in bed, or dead, but I felt as if I was being translated somehow: the voice in my head felt distant and spoke in harsh whispers back to myself. Like I needed justification for my thoughts; like I was on this huge, fucking, stage.

So maybe we are all actors. You and I, my love. I sat on the beach and dipped my finger in the clouds, drawing a god in the sky that only I could see - replete with a top hat and this crazy grin. You drummed your fingers at me, impatience seeping out of your skin. I smiled like how I imagined it to be, but I was hating it - like invisible raindrops; like crazy, fleeting dreams.

And when I walked down the streets, I saw beasts playing the lead. I looked into the mirror and liked what I see, though horns and pitchforks are so last year, I must admit. Maybe this is one fucking comedy.

Yeah, that's it.

Maybe I'm just missing the script.

2006-03-10T03:05:00.002+08:00

How To Catch The Man of Your Dreams:

1) Eat alot. All the time.Divert the sins of the mind down the path of indigestion.

2) Invest in a good, reliable astral net.Best woven from newborn dreams. Spare no expenses.

3) Sever romantic connections with all men in the physical plane.The real world fades away but into a trickle of the mind. Such earthly ties dim the luminescence of extra-planar relations. Avoid at all cost.

4) Yield not to your passion.The ethereal persists with desire; what lasts forever must diminish with the completion of your being. Do not let the hole in your soul be sated and you shall gain eternity.

5) Take to flights of fancy.Dance under the starfall of a meteor-rise; tell him the beauty of the gems that are his eyes. Carouse lightly in the dream-mist separating the worlds and survey the limitless horizon on the rings of the galaxy.

6) Do not ask for his number.Should the no-world collapse under the weight of your opalescence, you will find that it is best to leave no strings behind.

6.2) Never be friends.When all is said and done, and should passion fail to ignite; fade away and smile with all the sparkling whiteness in the void of your no-mind.

7) Do not fall asleep.Slumber weakens your gnostic affinity, thus reducing the chances of your meeting a ready dream-man.

Should you find yourself unable to persist in the dreaming world whilst awake, abandon your perceptual system and undress yourself to the moon, keeping in mind that the noise of your breath is a thunderous rancor that must be silenced for the voice of your love to soar.

Vow never to breathe again and you shall reach your dream-man shortly.

Pengy The Bodoh Cat

2005-07-26T01:46:00.001+08:00

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Pengy! Bodoh extraordinaire!! His actual name is Percival, but we wondered how his mummy cat thought up of such a smart sounding name (his mummy only got kindergarden education..and failed her Purring lessons somemore) so we decided to call him Pengy. Why leh? Because we all thought he looked like a penguin mah. Then when we tell him his new name, he asked us what is a penguin. I told him it is a bird, and then he kena panic attack and until this day he still thinks he can fly (cos penguin is a bird what?)...Very sad case.

But we are very accomodating, cos Pengy is a fellow kaki mah, no matter what, even stupid cats also must protect one..But his stories really alot. One time he kena ditched by Cleopatra, very heartbroken tried to committ seppaku, but he couldn't find a knife..so he took what he learn from Baywatch and tried to drown himself.....in a puddle of milk. It was a funny sight siah, watching him...and then he'd keep asking us if he dieded anot and if we were kitty angels. We didnt have heart to say no, so for that day he so happy cos he thought he was a ghost bird. Lucky he never try to fly, else we will be purring at his funeral already.

*meow out*

my charboh Snowy!

2005-07-24T01:29:00.001+08:00

Would you look at her?? Oh my kitty gods! She is how chio can?? Like the Faye Wong of pussy cats you know? Porcelain fur, like ice like that. Must be very nice to touch woh..*purrs* So cold, so heartbreaker. Always got so many AhBengCats (henceforth known as ABCs) try to get into her good paws..The last abc Pengy dragged a dead mouse as big as my head to her place somemore, we were all so worried that she would want his babies you know?? Pengy is so ugly, their babies sure terrorise us one. But that bodoh cat kena slapped upside down..Why? cos Snowy dear is a vegetarian. Bodoh Pengy never do research one! Lucky I don't know how to catch mouses, else malu also. This is my favoruite photo of her, I keep it and look at it at night when I feel lonely. *sad purrs*

Anyways, Snowy is actually a lady of great dreams! Last christmas, she got abit drunk from drinking a Tiger Beer puddle a fat human left on the floor, and she actually took me to go watch stars with her. So romantic siah...Even though she vomitted here and there, but my love is blind!! *purrs* At the top of a HDB (we took the lift lah), she told me of her childhood dreams! Like how she wanted to conquer the humans, and enslave them with her emerald green eyes! To boil milk and catch mouses for her! So ambitious! I like!! If only she will be my pussygirl..I will die a happy cat! And those stupid humans don't know anything one...Slowly we will...

*cough cough*

Got fur ball...*meow*

introducing Ginger

2005-07-21T01:09:00.001+08:00

*meow*

Harlo, human friends! My name is Ginger the Cat and I will be your cute, furry, orange bundle of joy for this special season of "Ahbeng Meows(x2) On The Streets!" Actually, the yandao who I share this blog with thought that I am being too rude calling ourselves AhBengCats, 'cos he scared that human ah bengs might find it offensive and pour red paint outside his house! Red paint is so last year loh. But whatever man. Hum Chee Kia! I can call myself the AhBengMeowTow if I like ok, cos those pussy cats like us bad kitties! Who stop us? Gahmen meh? *purrs* Bad cats get all the sex, you know! See, my attitude face, how sexy can? Those pussies cannot resist! *licks paws*

But anyways! I am here to be the guide to my many many kakis in the neighbourhoods! We roam the streets like police like that, and do nothing but suntan in the sun every day woh! Shiok anot?? Envy anot?? But cats life is like that mah...Sometimes I bored until stare at the wall you know? So sad....Ah..And hor, I stay in this small city called Singapore, where everything is so well fed and clean that even the mouses are bigger than meeeeeeow. The last one I fight in the drain almost take my tail home as a trophy, damn malu. =_=" Imagine what my friends would say? No tail like impotent like that...Very sad one.

Anyways, I will slowly slowly introduce you to all my beautiful feline friends! They have wonderful personalites and dreams too (but are usually too lazy to get on it). We may not have a home loh, but at least we have character ok!

*meow out*

bullshit

2005-07-13T18:10:00.002+08:00

Bullshit

For some strange reason, the NKF thinks of the public as a psychic entity, equipped with a supernatural depth of common-sense that should, by its accord, provide a keen self-aware insight to the cog works of the organisation. They must believe that we can discern their kindly intentions, hidden as it were in an opaque maze of nondisclosure, simply by going to bed at night and mewing to ourselves softly,"I don't know where my money went..but I'm sure its somewhere helpful..loh." It is almost heartbreaking to learn that the top executive of an established charity deigned it unnecessary to justify or make known their actions to the public, from (and for) whom the very existence of their organisation is based upon.

For example: the amount of patients serviced by the program was inflated and published in error, but the man decided that it was, I quote, "no major importance" and took no steps to correct it because, he felt that the public was giving money for various reasons (20chances to win a condo loh!) and for the NKF "brand" (and not because of patient numbers....duh). He assumed that the working man is fundamentally aware of the benefits invested with a position such as one he is holding, along with golden taps and frequent flyer miles, and thus felt justified in maintaining his principal of non-disclosure.

What is even more interesting is his adamant stance on how: 1) the public need not know, 2) he is faultless, 3) his responsibilities have been fulfilled.

Infact, it is not so much his salary figures, but his stonewalling of efforts to make transparent his legitimacy, that is the bigger issue. So maybe he is paid a mammoth salary to manage a traditionally thankless job, maybe he truly deserves it for his outstanding managerial skills, but surely the bonuses were overly extravagant when juxtaposed with the fact that it is all, infact, donors' money spent towards helping the needy. The needy, and not towards the building of a single board's personal pool of wealth. I am sure that those sitting on the board aint drawing shabby numbers afterall. Why then, the secrecy? Does it stand to reason that perhaps, they possessed of an inner humility that tells them (like a little angel on your shoulder) that the public might be displeased to learn of the interesting numbers? If they knew that the people would be unhappy, doesn't it mean that they were doing something against public interests? (like gay concerts woh) If so, their strict practice of non-disclosure can only mean that they knew that they were doing something the people would not like, but wanted to keep doing it. Thus, how is this different from decieving the people? At least, that will be how it looks like to the public.

In their defense, I do not understand the attacks made on the reserves: having a huge safety net to fall back upon is the whole point, isn't it? Irregardless of how many years it'd serve the current pool of patients, any estimation on the lifespan of the reserves is moot, because we simply cannot foresee the future. Please do not tell me that the number of patients will stagnant at 2000 ad infinitum. And mis-management aside, the organisation has done much good over the years and should still be given the benefit of a doubt, if but for their contributions.

And so the greatest irony is this: The tearing of facades began as a lawsuit against the SPH, but culminated in a withdrawal and a not-so-subtle reversal of roles on the stand. In their infinite wisdom, the NKF decided that a(nother) lawsuit was the best alternative (instead of blatant denials or forthright disclosures), for what could justify their innocence better than the bearing of fangs and claws? (As with several previous litigations) To show the public: the incensed righteousness of the maligned, the NKF must fight to protect their reputation via the judicial pipe, naturally, against our hegemony of a journalistic sector no less. But did they not anticipate the drudging of dirt out from beneath their corporate carpets, or the already disillusioned opinions of the vox populi. Were they expecting Mrs Goh to continue backing their misadventures now that the changing of blood has taken place? All in all, I thought that their actions were all rather, bizarre and showed a lack of foresight (to their credit, of course). Would not a gentlemanly recourse be the wiser alternative? Why must they seek redress through the most aggressive and counter-intuitive method available? Against the national paper that controls the dissemination of popular information. Humility and acceptance would have saved them from this media circus of their own doing.

Anyways, if the information are to be believed, a consolidated boycott against the organisation would be a gratifying slap in their face. Although, I still believe that if we start boycotting the 3rd, in as many weeks, instalment of the "NKF Cancer Charity Funds" (do we really need them managing another charity's funds?), we are depriving those in true dire needs of help, just to make a point (which isn't fair to the patients). As an alternative to extend your charity, LydiaMei directed me to this organisation: The KDF. Purportedly, a more respectable cousin of the NKF.

If I were Mr Durai though, I'll probably be wanting to make sure that the latest charity show actually hits the donation target: I'll liquidate my assets, cancel flights (but the cavier..ohhh..and the leg space...), melt some gold, hire stand-in phone number smashers, just to foster the image that the NKF is still very much with the hearts of the people. I mean, really. I'm sure he could, if he wanted to; all the donations he will make must flow back into his coffers anyways. A Win-Win for him. But why the incremental amount of charity weekend events? Maybe he is saving up to buy a gold plated jacuzzi, along with gold trimmed toilet paper.

This has also illustrated another point: Singaporean's gullibility. If you look sad and pitiful on national TV, people will kaypo and want to help regardless of facts. Like my mum going, "Adoi. So poor thing. My heart pain pain, must call more (so no pain)." Any issue capitalising on this quasi-altruistic tendency seemed to have had resounding success. Whether this is a good or bad thing is entirely subjective and left to another rant.

"Maybe a new golden showerhead will wash away the bad luck"

fucking retarded kamikaze bastards

2005-07-11T20:06:00.001+08:00

Religions and Extremists

Reckon this:

Since almost all major forms of religion states that you will go to hell for either 1) not belonging to their faith, 2) sinning, and taking into consideration that 1) most people will only belong to one faith (meaning you're not of MY faith BWAHAHA Heathen!!), 2) we have all sinned at some point of our sinful lives (dont tell me you have not! having fun is a sin too! oooh..yeah...and condoms! sinny sin sin!) 3) the Gods are probably not hypocritical enough to save everyone: it stands to reason that, hello good people, we are all going to hell.

If so, why bother with all the niceties? Just nuke the planet already! Earth is the embodiment of another planet's hell, a rapturous inbetween! You can expire your sinful lives over there, and you'll be reincarnated here as divine punishment. The more horrific your pre-earth sins, the longer your sentence here will be. Yes! Yucky longevity.And instead of taking potty shots at the oft-misunderstood devil, we should be raking points with the Dark Prince himself (DumDumDum Dummmmm)! Why serve in heaven, when you can rule in hell, right? Right. If everyone of us is going to hell anyways, I reckon it'd be wise to have the best seats for the ride, 'cos honestly, who doesn't enjoy wading through an eternity of brimstone and tangible evil?

So let 'em christians and catholics mind your own churches and stop irritating people with your brands of proselytizing corporate-ship, you're going to hell anyways. Islamic extremists really need to stop believing that dismembered body parts will be reconstructed by the benevolent plastic-surgeon in the sky, or that brandishing the proverbial sword to recreate hell on a planet that is already a purgatory itself, is an express ticket out of this mess of a reality. 'cos it aint so freakin' easy. I'm sure heaven is well-stocked with C4s and claymores for your happy weekend gatherings, oh you handsome, bearded kamikazes.

Deluded idiots. Bomb more people, will you? Kill more! Hate more! 'cos proliferating hate for the glory of your religion must surely earn the yummy favors of your genocidal god! The G8 summit is a festering conclave of evil: with god-hating agendas designed to ruin the establishment of your God on earth! Say no to the Kyoto Treaty! Say yes to greenhouse gases! Say no to anti-poverty! Stop coming to amicable terms! We should be fighting America! Not sitting down with them and having peaceful talks! Oh yes. I'm sure you'll have the best seats in the house. And the Dark Prince? He would simply die to have tea with you for the splendiferous fireworks. Bloody retards. Please leave some cookies for me, won't you?

"Fear me!!"

i am a blogger

2005-06-13T16:44:00.002+08:00

I Blog, therefore, I am.

My alterego says that the digital presence one exudes on the net is proportionate to the limitations imposed by external and/or internal duress encountered during the blogging process. If people are reading your blog, chances are, whatever you say has now found an incredible medium by which to traverse a hundred willing/unwilling ears in the shortest possible time. Thus it stands to reason that opinions will be formed of you, and words oft-misunderstood. For fear of having to deal with the possible backlash of an invigorating rant, many have chosen the path of least resistance and downplayed their choice of words, perhaps even eschewing the elan once prevalant in many of those beautiful, angry entries. It is a public realm afterall, and the delicious irony lies in the delicate balancing between the desire to be read and the need to be forthright and honest on the tablet of your name. How honest should I be? To where do I belong?

Subsequently, with the invasion of our pesudo-private realm by the exanimate fingers of the world at large, the infinite boundaries to which we can extend ourselves have become severely limited by the ungainly attention of political or agenda policing. Anything you and I say, could evoke ripples across the collective blogosphere reaching ungentlemenly ears that desire no lesser a dogma, than that of unquestioning conformity. Now that blogging in itself has been accorded a sense of respect and fear for its potential power to disseminate ideas, conformist or not, the relevant forces are taking up arms to protect their constitution from what they perceive to be opinions. Of course, we all know that opinions are insidious little things, and thus, we shall just stick to the mundane reporting of quasi-provocative issues. Mundane yes, but incredibly honest ones.

Like how I like to dig my nose.

*dig dig*

maybe we should lay about and look cute loh

blasphemous rant

2005-06-13T16:41:00.001+08:00

Booyah! I'm ranting about your church!

City Harvest Church is moving to the Singapore Expo: a grander vision there is none, replete as it is, with rows of card-swiping tellers to ease the burdenof emptying your bank accounts. It was quite an amazing sight: standing from a distance, beholding lines of faithful sheeps awaiting their turns on the box-like abattoirs, I felt remotely alien and broken, as if somehow my curiousity had betrayed me and left me to die on the doorsteps of the greatest corporation in the universe.

Anyhow, Pastor Kong was amazing - his charismatic ways were hypnotic and pervasive, and he spoke with such vigor, passion and righteousness that you cannot doubt for a second, his sincerity in trying to move you with his proselytising wisdom. He knows best of course, for he communes with the one true god! All of you! Say Amen!! Ohhhhhh...yabalah shikalaki huggaashagaa ugguggmoanmoan shukulidicko watevermajig. And so on and so forth.

But I was not impressed.

After the enlightening ordeal (which reaffirmed my love for the god of small things, and my disdain towards the dogmatic religious institution) , a friend (or rather, my friend's cell mate - haha! What irony!) drew me away to indulge in a little heart to heart talk. Unabashedly, I questioned the necessity of so elaborate a palace, of prinstine walls and black-collered security looking more like bouncers hired to keep the people in rather than to keep the demons out. But of course, he defended the place of the Church as a home and an abode, and how it should rightfully convey comfort and such, thus justifying the need to fortify themselves in sheaves and layers of beautiful, porcelain materialism.

To top things off, he went on (with a sigh, no less) to address the "pitiful Pastor Kong" (exact words) who has to preach sermons four times a week, because the congregation is too gargantuan to hold in one sitting, and how he wished that they'll have a place as big as the indoor stadium someday soon! Wow. Im pretty sure they'll want a whole off-shore island to themselves before long.

Ok. Maybe I sound prickly, but harken this: the kind of hysterical elation infused in these boys and girls is almost clinical, like an infection hopping from one host to another, afflicting them with the disease called joy (the hopping variant). But this is a joy that is based off an external stimuli seeping inwards through the pores of your skin into your blood vessels and combusting in the emptiness of your being. It is a joyous addiction, and I regard these peeps as rapturous addicts returning weekly to get their fix.

Of course, addictions of this kind, nobody gives a grand hoot about. You dont see any religious rehabitation centres out there, do you? When you encounter fanatics, it is usually assumed to be O.K. and that he is merely, intense. Nobody will entertain the notion that religious rapture can be an addiction too. Drugs, sex, and rock and roll! Now, that is the problem. Everything black is bad, everything white is good. We are all addicts in someways or another, but what removes you from the acceptability lies in the packaging. And thus, it stands to reason that the more an institution deigns to divert your attention with spires of gold and turrets of ivory, the more insidious the problem lurking beneath it, is.

I am not that young, but still well within the demographics of their intended market. With this perspective, I believe that when churches take on the mantle of a new generation and embraces the attitudes of quantity: that is, to sacrifice rustic spiritualism for charismatism, to fill their coffers and stands, to package the good word and to align themselves with the forces of a new paradigm, they've become something else altogether: something smaller and starts but on the surface of your skin, something that crawls amidst the comfort of numbers. They call themselves the fisherkings, the fishers of men, and in an insane race to outfish each other, they irrevocably destroyed the most beautiful river. And so, in their quest for the bountiful harvesting of souls, they deemed it acceptable to suffer the collateral damage of a few injured faiths and a few battered hearts (your faith werent strong enough in the first place!), that it is acceptable to lose a few whose faith were destroyed by vulgar and rough intensity, to control the many lost in the bosom of euphoric praise.

You see, I recall rapturous joy on the eaves, under the benign eyes of god slanting through the windows as the golden evening while away. I do not recall loud noises blasting into oblivion my senses, leaving a soul so empty it cries to be loved. I do not recall visions, so narrow in ambit, that it demands but the endeavours of one church. I do not recall such pomposity, that when I lay myself humbled, all I hear is the collective drone of godless voices. Mayhaps I am still atad traditional, and though no longer in tandem with the doctrines, still believes in the quietness of christmas nights, in the memories of a warm, and gentle church bathed in the heady afterglow of a perfect noon-day shower, with soft piano and sandalwood, with me and god and a beautiful peace, with a joy and warmth that arises from deep within, like fingers of god reaching outwards of me in a gentle sunburst, like I was waking into a dream.

Come on ladies! One for the church!

its like this

2005-05-21T03:02:00.001+08:00

Anyone can offer to to be a companion when the tides are in your harbor,
but only a true friend will stay when a storm rages.

You can offer your love to anyone who comes your way,
but only the person who loves you will love your pimples, farts and snores.

rainy day

2005-05-12T04:10:00.001+08:00

Raindrops dying on the pavement,
dreams of another heaven

an acidic future

2005-05-10T03:14:00.001+08:00

An Acidic Future

I am saddened to reside in a country where we parade ourselves globally as a renaissance city of vibrant excesses and yet unabashedly undermine its very essence by subduing all manners of ill-percieved dissension within the citizenry. Our country is a gorgeous city of verdant finery; a haven amongst havens where waters run clean and the city sleeps in relative peace, and yet the government seems fearful of any iota of political individuality budding amongst its quiet people and seeks to root them out at the quickest convenience. What can be so wrong with the proliferation of new ideas and differing opinions? Is the government so fundamentally flawed that it cannot stand against the tides of would-be criticisms?

Having been born into an era where freedom of speech is relegated/confined to an idyllic corner in an out-of-the-way park where stray cats fornicate, most singaporeans learn by the age of 16 that the best policy by which to govern a safe and tepid life is to entertain no policies at all. Indeed, the bovine populace understands the methodology, both inconspicuously and unconsciously - oft discarding ideologies of a different, if not better singapore for an easier path of apathatic disengagement. It is a much simpler task to keep silent and remain inconspicuous amongst millions of other voiceless drones, than to place yourself in the limelight and risk the attention of dangerous people. It is an indoctrination of the highest degree, a subliminal framework by which the ordinary citizen strives to remain within; content as they are with the landscape of their horizon.

A blog is a personal space by which we extend ourselves into the cybernetic realm, where national barriers are broken and inculcated facades dissolved. It is a medium through which we redefine ourselves, and consequently the world around us. It is an unassailable freedom: to speak our minds and think our thoughts, and should be kept so long as liberty is valued and upheld by a democracy-loving governing body.

Thus, it becomes intrinsically paradoxic to the mind, that an institute of state would threaten to exact legal actions against a citizen for publishing thoughts and statements born from a critical angle, made with regards to the machinations of an institution that has now proven itself less than admirable. If indeed the comments were blatantly or suggestively offensive to the institution in mention, then perhaps it would be prudent to conduct a debate of sorts where the oft-cited "defammatory remarks" are rebutted in a gentlemenly and gracious manner. At the very least, it would have been respectable and difficult to fault.

It seems to me however, that if one cannot hope to win by deconstructing your opponent's mantle through the auspices of one's abilities, then one can only prevail through the muscles of judiciary bullying and honestly, nobody respects a bully.

Or at least, I don't.

as all things must

2005-05-09T03:21:00.002+08:00

My Granny

everyday is a gift

I fear losing her, every single day. When I look upon her smiling face, all wizened and wrinkled now with valleys of time and toil, she reminds myself of how noble love can be and really is. The aura of altruistic maternity glows from every instance of her angelic smile, like a newborn babe resurrected once more in her sunset years. I hate myself for not being able to give her more than the meagre love I could spare from the desert of my heart, but I know truly, that there is no other whom I'd deign to protect with the very fabric of my soul and love without a shred of want.

gateways to the heart

2005-03-22T17:34:00.002+08:00

On Euthanasia and protecting the Right To Die

I cannot believe that they are still fighting over the drawn-out fate of Ms Terri Schiavo; the pitiful lady who was left in a tragic vegetative state after her heart stopped more than 10 years ago. From the look of things, this one lady has evolved from that of a mere medical oddity to that of a symbolic polarization between schools of thoughts and policies. People are invoking her name as a manifestation of their self-deluded righteousness, elevating their morality by climbing on the potency of her name and utilizing her fate as a tool to be brandished against proponents of opposing faiths.

If you look at this from another point of view; her parents' vehement objections to the removal of her feeding tube (thus ending her life..doh) is an act of intense and undiluted selfishness. They know of her condition, they are aware of the impossibility of rehabilitation or rebirth, but they hold on to the lingering hope that their daughter might rise from the ashes of their prayers like a phoenix and back into their life to mend the hurts and longings. Well. Fuck you two old bastards. For fear of facing their own pain, for a false hope of fulfilling their personal desires, for wishing for a miracle to descend upon them like a shroud of god's grace and invisible intent, for being acutely blind to the pain and indignity their flesh and blood is going through, for being wilful just to ensure other's beliefs will not supersede theirs, I say fuck you.

Her husband's motive is by and large, out of the whole picture. It doesn't matter if hes doing it to get out of a deadlocked marriage, it doesn't matter if hes doing it just to get a kick out of having power over someone's life. (fictional assumptions yah) The only thing that truly matters is that he is exercising his wife's pre-vegetative wishes, and standing steadfast against the onslaught of the will of a world that claims and parades itself to be pro-human.

The thing is; with all degrees of separation, you will undoubtedly feel hurt, pain, anguish, sorrow, devastation and all that in between. We are only humans; puny, breakable ones at that. A loved one's passing is not to be mocked nor lessened by circumstance, and one can empathise with the heart wrenching sorrow the elderly couple must be going through. But enough is enough. There is a time to persist, and a time to let go; the greater love is right there, knocking by the locked gates to their shrivelled hearts but they would not listen to reason. They must have their way, they will not have their sovereignty over their daughter's destiny usurped by the greater love, they cannot find in themselves, the courage to accept the pain and release their loved one from the bondage and shackles of a living purgatory.

The president oh-so-magnanimously cuts short his idyllic ranch vacation to return to congress to pass a bill to "protect her right to live." Now isn't that some spiffy publicity; the king of the world takes some precious holidaying time off to attend to the rights of his mortal peons, making sure that the half-life of the most publicised one is furnished, whilst sending nameless ones off to die.

Well fuck them all bitches who proclaims that life is to be treasured and honoured; god damn hypocrites advocate the reverence of life whilst being dirt blind to the duality of death. You know nothing of life till you have some respect for death. Or come to think of it, choice too.Fuck that. There is no use in just protecting the right to live, we must protect the right to die as well.

continue?

twiddle my thumbs

同花顺

說好的幸福呢

逍遥

A City

Meaningless

Deconstruction of My Constellations

Reconfiguration

on the Merlin Principle

Puppy Mill

Doggies need help!

Out of the Ashes

Heart Sutra

Fuck You! Love, Us

Fuck You, Fuck You Very Very Much!

smoke and dreams

Day 3 of the rest of my Life =]

Be The Change You Want To See In The World!

of Appreciation

天天天天

of a Metaphysical Rut

STTA

Sony Walkman project

It is not over yet.

The Amazing Thio Su Mien

Email by Josie Lau's husband

great job Singapore!

Of Language and Walls

for beauty and fury

of righteous Indignation

Turquoise

Bible In A Minute

On Chivalry Part 1

魔術先生

A midnight dally

Steve Jobs speaks at Standford Commencement.

Does science make belief in God obsolete?

Happy 牛 Year!

in case you havent read this

Sweet Story

Two German children, six and seven, elope for Africa

My Favourite Comix

turning tides

Sian

Long Weekend

Gay Education

LOMO

All Sheeps Go To Heaven

the entry without paragraphs or casuality

Voyeurism

the little things

funny

"Thanks thanks thanks thanks"

above all else

Geeks

target affixed

Nike Human Race

reintro plz?

Don't Sell Me Your Church

*big wall of text crits you for 37612 damage*

deconstruction of a falling star

a day of maroon

Pengy The Bodoh Cat

my charboh Snowy!

introducing Ginger

bullshit

fucking retarded kamikaze bastards

i am a blogger

blasphemous rant

its like this

rainy day

an acidic future

as all things must

gateways to the heart

big wall of text crits you for 37612 damage